


The Nukenin Chronicles

by peppymint



Series: Saga of Hiraku Kazama [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Drama, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-02
Updated: 2010-05-02
Packaged: 2017-10-09 06:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 22,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/84110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peppymint/pseuds/peppymint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The drabbles, featuring the one and only, Hiraku Kazama.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> _Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto_

_Here we have all the plunnies that did not quite make it into my story From the Ashes_

_Not all of them are centered around Hiraku_

_They are mostly in order_

_Note: This is not a sequel; that might happen later_

**Drabble One**

A soft sigh emerged from Hiraku's throat. He wasn't quite sure what was wrong with him. Really, he had no reason to be dissatisfied. Still, there was something lacking in his life. For a while he had kept himself busy sorting out exactly who he was. Naruto had spent so long hiding behind a protective mask, he hadn't been quite certain who he was without it.

But now, the jinchuuriki had fallen into a rut, he traveled, he trained. The occasional mission was accepted. Violet eyes widened as he realized the source of his unease, boredom. Since the day Naruto was born, the entire world had been out to get him, and he knew it. That had created a unique personality as he had grown. Now though, they all thought he was dead. The ninja was safer now then he had ever been.

It didn't suit him. What to do, Hiraku mused. He had already decided the current situation was unacceptable.

**Brat, **the other tenant of the ninja's body made itself known. **You're not going to do anything foolish, are you? **The quiet life suited him just fine.

A lazy grin crossed the demon vessel's face. _Who moi?_

**Oui vous, **the fox didn't sound amused.

Hiraku laughed. _I suppose that depends on you definition of foolish. I like to think of it as advanced stealth training._

In his cage Kyuubi surged to his feet. **What do you mean? **He demanded.

"I think," Hiraku murmured softly. "It is time to pay another visit to the Hidden Village of Sound."

**Don't, **the demon growled. **Don't you dare. **He tried to influence the kit by sheer will alone.

Typically, his vessel ignored the fox's protests. Hiraku whistled a jaunty tune as he slipped off the direction of Rice Country. This would be fun.

_NCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNC_

_This one was more an intro then anything_

_The funny stuff is coming soon_


	2. Hidden Sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Drabble Two**

**Drabble Two**

Hiraku slipped silently through the Hidden Village of Sound, unnoticed by all. Mentally he sent a mocking thanks to the shopkeepers in Konoha. All those years wearing that walking eyesore had been good for something.

The door to the jounin's locker room opened without a sound. It wasn't locked. Why should it be? He made his way to the showers before pausing to pull out a set of tools. Carefully Hiraku removed each showerhead before pouring a dark powder into each of them. Then the equipment was returned to its original position. No one would know they had been tampered with.

The jinchuuriki resisted the urge to let loose a cackle of maniacal laughter. People would start to wonder about his mental state. Besides, it would not be at all funny if he got himself caught. Hiraku hadn't had this much fun since the time he had slipped wasabi into Kakashi-sensei's tea.

The next group of ninja who used the showers would find their skin to be a lovely shade of blue. Of course it would itch. Just a little bit though. It was an unavoidable side effect.

Kyuubi snorted. **Liar, **he accused. **Why don't you just admit you enjoy torturing them?**

The ninja didn't respond. Hiraku thought that was just a bit hypocritical coming from the demon lord.

The next day, the shapeshifter stuck around just long enough to hear the screams of anguish before taking off. It was a pity he didn't have pictures. Oh well, there was always next time.

_NCNCNCNCNCNCNCNC_

_As always I welcome your comments_

_Feel free to let me know your ideas_

_If one inspires me, I might put it in_


	3. Quest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Disclaimer: I own nothing_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing_

**Drabble Three**

"When I said I needed a new summon," Hiraku growled through clenched teeth. "I was not expecting an epic quest." An artic wind ripped past his body. For all the good his clothes were doing, he could have gone without.

The shapeshifter reached up to grasp the rock above him, only to have it break of in his hand. The rough stone dug into his chest as he slid backwards. Hiraku lost several feet before he managed to catch himself. Breath, the shinobi reminded himself. Just breath.

Falling was definitely a bad idea. It was a long way down. Not even he would be able to survive the drop. _Why couldn't you have just buried the scroll somewhere?_

A malevolent chuckle rose from within the jinchuuriki. **Is the poor little ninja defeated by a minor obstacle such as a mountain? **Kyuubi mocked.

Violet eyes narrowed. "Never," he spat. The demon vessel continued his climb with renewed determination. Finally, he reached the top. For a moment Hiraku just sat there, panting.

_Where now? _He asked his tenant.

**The cave.**

Hiraku steadied himself, then entered. The shapeshifter walked for hours, descending deep into the mountain. Is it just me, he wondered to himself, or is it getting warmer?

It wasn't just him. Hiraku turned the bend and stopped dead in his tracks. For an instant he couldn't believe what he was seeing. "Lava," the single word was said flatly.

**Yep. ** So far as Kyuubi was concerned, this was payback. He had suffered years of aggravation due to his vessel. It was only fair the roles were reversed.

"I hate you."

The demon just laughed.

_NCNCNCNCNCNCNC_

_This one was inspired by part of the story Puppet Master Naruto_

_Hope you liked it_


	4. List

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not own Naruto or Peter Anspach's Evil Overlord List_

_I do not own Naruto or Peter Anspach's Evil Overlord List_

**Drabble Four**

Orochimaru frowned as he noticed a group of his elite shinobi standing around a post, giggling. This would not do. These were his best men, hardened killers. They did not giggle. With skill cultivated from a lifetime of training, the snake sannin moved behind them. "May I inquire what is so funny?" he hissed softly.

A normal group of people would have jumped at the sound of his voice, but these were shinobi. Their first reaction was to spin, weapon in hand. It was followed by collective paling and frantic apologies before the ninja scattered.

Yellow-green eyes narrowed as Orochimaru watched them go, and if Kabuto thought he hadn't seen him the medic was sorely mistaken. They would be having words. He moved closer to the post, intent on discovering what had captured the group's attention. A list had been tacked up,_The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord._

_1) My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones._

_2) My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through._

_3) My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon._

Hmm, a thoughtful noise escaped the sannin's throat. Perhaps this list had possibilities, but he still didn't see what was so funny. He continued to read only to notice one of the lines had been highlighted.

_34) I will not turn into a snake. It never helps._

For a moment the pale man just stared. Then his teeth began to grind. If he ever found out who had done this, they would regret it. He guaranteed it.

_NCNCNCNCNCNCNC_

_This is still early in Hiraku's career_

_He is not yet the obvious suspect_

_If you are interested in seeing more of the list _

_The website is _

_http:// minievil. eviloverlord. com /lists/ overlord. html_

_You'll have to get rid of the spaces_

_It was the only way I could get it to save_

_ _As always, comments are appreciated_ _


	5. Hidden Sand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _If I owned Naruto Itachi would not be evil_

_If I owned Naruto Itachi would not be evil_

_Next up: the sand sibs_

** Drabble Five **

The sand sibs entered their home after a hard day at work. Sometimes it truly sucked to be the ones in charge, all that paperwork. Yes, although the three loved their village, they would much rather be on a battlefield.

"Its about time," an unexpected voice put in from above. "I was starting to think you were going to pull an all nighter." The violet-eyed shinobi released his chakra-induced grip on the ceiling and dropped to the ground, landing lightly on his feet.

Gaara's siblings immediately pulled out their weapons. This would not be the first time an attempt was made against Suna's kage. Though it was odd only a single ninja had been sent. Maybe he had ticked someone off.

Kankuro was especially tense. When he was younger he had never really worried about his brother's safety. The demon vessel's ultimate defense had made the jinchuuriki nigh indestructible. The incident with the Akatsuki had been a nasty wake-up call. If the puppet-user had his way, no one would harm Gaara ever again.

Consequently, the pair was shocked when their brother smiled and moved to clasp the other's hand. "I thought you were in Rice country tormenting the snake."

Hiraku shrugged, "I got bored, so I figured why not come visit."

Suddenly Temari dropped her fan, turquoise eyes wide with shock. "Oh kami," she whispered. The blond took one step forward, then another, before breaking into a run and throwing her arms around the ninja's neck.

The former leaf nin staggered back a step; after a moment he proceeded to try and pry the wind user off. "Temari-chan," he managed. "Temari I can't breathe." Hiraku turned imploring eyes to the two males. "A little help."

For a moment Kankuro stared at the scene. Then he put the pieces together himself. Naruto was alive.

Another body slammed into Hiraku before he knew it, knocking the demon vessel off his feet. Violet orbs gazed at the ceiling for a moment before sighing, the two figures still attached to him. "That is not what I had in mind by help."

Gaara just laughed.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_The sand sibs owe Naruto everything_

_They would die before they betrayed him_

_Special thanks to _ **Death Phoenix**

_This was their suggestion_


	6. Karma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto_

_I really shouldn't be doing this_

_I still haven't finished typing Black Feather_

_Anyway, enter Akira_

** Drabble Six **

The two nukenin sat around a relatively small cooking fire. The silence wasn't uncomfortable per say, but it wasn't comfortable either. The pair didn't know each other well enough for that. They didn't speak, mainly because there was nothing to talk about.

"Here," Dokuzo offered his new partner a bowl of curry and rice. He had cooked that night.

The shapeshifter nodded his thanks before lifting the food to his lips and taking a bite. Hiraku promptly choked, spewing the food onto his lap. Frantically he reached for some tea. It wasn't much better.

"Gods," the violet-eyed ninja managed. "Are you trying to kill me?" After a moment of thought Hiraku continued. "Never mind, if you wanted to poison me I wouldn't taste it. It was unworthy of me to say such a thing." He had temporarily spaced what Dokuzo's specialty was.

Akira stared at his partner for a time, before frowning down at his own meal. Cautiously, he took a bite. The brunette chewed thoughtfully. "It tastes alright to me."

"You eat this all the time?" Hiraku demanded aghast. At the poison-user's hesitant nod he winced. It was amazing Dokuzo hadn't dropped dead years before. He hadn't known it was possible for food to be this bad.

The demon vessel moved to confiscate their dishes. "From now on, I cook." The tone of his words left no room for argument.

_NCNCNCNCNCNC_

_Hiraku had to find out about his partner's anti-cooking karma somehow_

_Sorry about the wait, I'll try to update this quicker_


	7. Kyuubi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Still don't own Naruto_

_Still don't own Naruto_

**Drabble Seven**

Hiraku winced as his wrist was grasped in a move reminiscent of the one Itachi Uchiha had once used on his younger brother. There was a sickening snap as the bone gave way, and before he knew it, the jinchuuriki found himself pinned beneath his opponent.

"That was pathetic," red eyes looked down into violet ones. "You left yourself wide open."

The ninja just scowled. "What do you expect? I have never used claws before. It seemed like a good idea to me."

A sigh escaped Kyuubi's throat as he moved off his vessel. "If you want to stab someone use a blade," the demon chided. "Claws are for slashing."

"You could have said something earlier," Hiraku complained. Carefully he rose to his feet and flexed his fingers, making sure that everything had healed properly. "I don't see why I need to learn this anyway. I am a ninja not a fox."

Before the demon vessel could comprehend what had happened he was back on the ground. Hiraku looked up at the fox stunned. Kyuubi looked furious.

"Foolish kit," the bjiuu snarled. "The day will come when you have no weapons, that you have expended all of your chakra. What will you do then?" he demanded.

The shinobi glanced away, a little ashamed. Kyuubi didn't have to teach him, or so he thought.

Seeing the expression the demon sighed. "Your claws are your last line of defense. Someday, they will be all that stands between you and death."

In truth, it was actually Kyuubi's duty to teach the young hybrid. Hiraku had become his responsibility once he had undergone the transformation, making the shinobi a member of his clan. Not that Hiraku knew that. With luck, he would never know.

Hiraku nodded and pulled himself back up. Determination infused on his features. He would learn this.

_NCNCNCNCNCNC_

_The next chapter will be more humorous_

_Anyway, I hope this helps explain the relationship between_

_Hiraku and Kyuubi a bit more_

_I haven't decided if our little ninja is going to remain ignorant_

_As always, reviews are appreciated_


	8. Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing_

_Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing_

_Please don't sue_

_Ever had three or four ideas and you can't figure out which one should go first_

_Yeah, me too, hope you like this one_

**Drabble Eight**

Hiraku grinned as he put the finishing touches on his trap. It would be an interesting morning in the Hidden Village of Sound. His good mood was ruined by the voice that came out of no where.

"Well well, what have we here."

His body tensed briefly before the demon vessel turned to face the other, "Good day Orochimaru-san."

The snake like man looked vaguely amused at the intruder's attempt to save face. He had spent months trying to track down the mysterious prankster, and now he knew. "It is night Kazama-san," his voice was gentle, almost chiding. It clashed with the suppressed murder that could be seen in his eyes.

Hiraku made a show of looking around. "So it is, my mistake." He took a step backwards. "It has been pleasant speaking to you but now I'm afraid I must be on my way. I have a prior engagement you see."

A smile made its way onto the Sannin's face; it was not a nice expression. "And what makes you think I am going to let you go?" he inquired.

"My charming personality?" Hiraku gave the other man his best puppy dog look.

Orochimaru was unmoved.

The violet-eyed man took another step back, gaining a bit more distance. "Your interested in my shape shifting abilities," Hiraku reminded him.

"I'm certain I can gain my answers from your corpse." No luck there.

Suddenly the younger ninja snapped his fingers. "I've got it."

Wariness seeped into Orochimaru's stance. He hadn't expected Kazama to go down without a fight. "Got what?" he asked.

Hiraku beamed. "You have to let me go because I'm not really here."

It took a moment for the words to process. Once they did a single blow dispelled the shadow clone. Orochimaru swore softly, he knew the younger shinobi had escaped. Next time, he would get Kazama next time.

Else ware the real Hiraku shuddered as the clone's memories were downloaded into his own mind. That had been too close. He would have to be more careful.

_NCNCNCNCNCNC_

_Maybe I should have split my drabbles into multiple fics_

_Oh well, I think I know what is coming next_

_For whoever asked, yes Katsumi and her genin are coming_

_Just give me a few chapters_

_On that note please vote_

_Should the genin be people from canon or O.C._

_If O.C. please give me your ideas_


	9. Hobbies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Still don't own Naruto_

_Still don't own Naruto_

_Here we are,_

_Akira's reaction to his partner's hobby_

**Drabble Nine**

"I'm sorry," a low voice choked out. "But I could have sworn you just said you graffitied the Snake Sannin's home."

Hiraku nodded cheerfully. "I did, his reaction was great."

"But why?" Akira looked utterly confused. He couldn't fathom what could possess the other to do such a thing.

The demon vessel just shrugged. "Everyone needs a hobby."

Akira stared. "A hobby is eating pocky, a hobby is peeking on women and writing erotic novels," as the former grass nin spoke, his voice got progressively louder. "Antagonizing Orochimaru is not a hobby!"

Hiraku gave his partner an amused look. "Should I be flattered?" he asked. There were worse ninja to be compared to, even if Itachi was a mass murderer.

The poison user groaned, dropping his head into his hands. If nothing else, he had the answer to the question he had been contemplating for some time. "You really are insane," Akira muttered.

The grin that spread over Hiraku's face was all fang.

_NCNCNCNCNCNC_

_All right, Katsumi should appear in the next one_

_I'll try to get it up soon, but finals are coming_

_Please review, make the fire breathing kitty happy _


	10. Iruka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Still don't own Naruto_

_Still don't own Naruto_

_Sorry this is late. I had a case of writer's block._

_To make up for it I am posting more than one today_

**Drabble Ten**

Iruka watched this years graduating class, a sad smile on his lips. The academy teacher loved his job, but he could never forget he was teaching these children how to kill, and sending them to die. All he could do for them was make sure they were prepared. Sometimes though, that wasn't enough.

A boy, no young man, with blond hair and bright blue eyes shot through his mind along with a pang of grief. Naruto had been far from the first student he had lost. But, the jinchuuriki had been the closest to his heart.

His students were so young, so excited to be ninja. They dreamed of a world where they rescued princesses on a daily basis and the good guys always won. They had no idea what the real world was like. The genin thought themselves invincible. Iruka knew they would learn differently soon enough. He could only hope they would survive the lesson.

_NCNCNCNC_

_Wow this one is short_

_I almost declared it to be half a drabble_


	11. Team Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I own nothing and no one_

_I own nothing and no one_

_For those of you who are wondering about the time line_

_Hiraku has just turned twenty_

**Drabble Eleven**

The young woman walked down the street, head held high. She was beautiful, but then, most kunoichi were. Still, with her black and silver hair combined with the wolf-like amber eyes, Katsumi was especially exotic. Her family had originally come from Cloud, which had caused her more than a few problems over the years.

However, Katsumi had a will of fire. A little thing like the villagers disapproval wasn't going to stop her from achieving her goals. She had made jounin at seventeen, and now, barely a year later, she had been given a genin team. It was a great honor. But she would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous.

"All right," the jounin started. "My name is Katsumi Fujii and I am the jounin sensei for Team 13. I am a master of my family's fighting style and love lightning. Right now, my dream is to see you all become jounin someday." She arched one eyebrow, waiting for her students to respond.

The sole female of the team got it first. Kunoichi training was more focused on subtlety. "My name is Mai Danno," she introduced herself. "I love dogs, all animals really." Her gray eyes hardened. "My dream is to prove I can master my bloodline without those bastards' help."

Mai was a distant relative of the Inuzuka Clan. It had come as a great shock to everyone when she had been found conversing with a large hound at the tender age of four. The clan elders had immediately demanded her parents hand her over. When the Danno refused, the esteemed senior members of the Inuzuka had forbidden any of the other dog users from helping her master her abilities.

Katsumi smiled, Mai was determined. The jounin gave thanks that she hadn't been stuck with a fan girl. She didn't have the patience to deal with someone that didn't take being a ninja seriously. She moved her gaze to one of the other genin.

The kid grinned. "I'm Daiki Urama and I'm going to be a master of genjutsu, better than Kurenai-san."

"Hn," the last genin snorted. "Genjutsu is for weaklings. Where is your pride?"

As Daiki glared Katsumi sighed. She supposed some sort of conflict had been inevitable. With luck it would calm down once she educated the third member of her cell about how dangerous illusions could be. "And you are?"

"Mizu Haruno," his tone dared the teacher to make something of it. He was Sakura's cousin. "I don't like anything and my dream is to become a member of ANBU." _Then I can finally hide this stupid hair, _he cackled to himself.

Yes, to his intense frustration, Mizu had inherited the pink hair, which he wore in short dreadlocks. It was fine for a girl, but for a boy. Needless to say, the genin had a bit of a chip in his shoulder.

Unfortunately for her, Katsumi was unaware of his inner thoughts. Joining ANBU seemed like a fine dream to her. She relaxed a little. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard. In retrospect, she was being overly optimistic.

_NCNCNCNC_

_Those who gave their opinions seemed to favor O.C.s_

_Inspiration for Mizu goes to _ _ **sexypancake** _

_No offense to the Inuzuka Clan_

_Everyone else seems to have jerky elders_

_I figure they do too_

_There is a picture of Team Thirteen on my livejournal_

_So if you're interested, check out my profile_

_The link is there_


	12. Kakashi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I own nothing_

_I own nothing_

**Drabble Twelve**

"What do you mean he got away!" a cold voice hissed. Orochimaru was not pleased. He had spent months planning this ambush. Kakashi had a nasty habit of being in his way. Especially where Sasuke was concerned.

Gurgle, the underlings attempt to answer was thwarted by the slender fingers that dug deep into his throat. His face was going quite red, and not from embarrassment.

The snake sannin examined the helpless figure a moment longer before dropping him. "Explain," he ordered curtly.

The messenger took a grateful breath of fresh air. "Kazama," he gasped. "It was Kazama."

Yellow-green eyes narrowed as Orochimaru's body went perfectly still. Ironically enough, this made him look even more dangerous, like a serpent waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

_Kazama_. Yes, that made sense. Orochimaru knew the other ninja would have interfered for no other reason than to piss him off. The violet-eyed ninja was insane. He was certain of it.

A growl emerged from the Snake's mouth as he turned and stalked out of the room. Perhaps a higher reward would tempt some of the more skilled hunters.

**Drabble 12.5**

_Same time, different place_

The copy-nin sighed as he closed the cover of Cloud's bingo book, nothing. He had already been through the versions for Sand and Stone. Neither of them had contained information on his mysterious savoir either.

Kakashi turned his attention back to the pile of books in front of him before picking up the next one. Surely one of the Hidden Villages had encountered the other shinobi at some point. It was a pity the library didn't have a copy of Sound's. That would have made his search go much quicker.

"My eternal rival," Gai popped out of nowhere. "I challenge you to a pie eating contest. If I lose I will do 100 push ups with my tongue," he proclaimed.

"Not now Gai."

The spandex clad figure paused, taking another look at his friend. That was not his rival's usual brush off. "Are you well Kakashi?"

"Fine," he muttered as he turned another page. "Just busy." _Where was he?_

Gai watched the white-haired man's progress with a small frown. He was aware of the other's ongoing search. "Are you certain he did not show affiliation with any of the villages?"

"No, he di . . ." Kakashi's voice trailed off before he smacked himself in the forehead. "His partner," the jounin whispered. "Why didn't I think of this earlier?" He dug through the pile to find the bingo book from Hidden Grass. A short time later, he had an answer, sort of.

Name: Hiraku Kazama? Origin: unknown. Specialties: Ninjutsu? Kenjutsu? Summons: Unknown. Rank: A-S class. Affinity: Air. Other: great skill with disguise. Associates: Akira Dokuzo. Orders: Retreat to summon reinforcements.

Gai pursed his lips as he and Kakashi looked at the uninformative entry. "At least we know his name," he offered optimistically.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_Next Hiraku meets Team 13_

_I feel sorry for Katsumi_

_Please review_


	13. First Test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _If I owned Naruto, Itachi would not be a psychopath_

_If I owned Naruto, Itachi would not be a psychopath_

**Drabble Thirteen**

_Well, well, what do we have here? _From his perch high in the trees, Hiraku observed the small party. It was a genin team, from Konoha. From eager look in the kid's eyes, the shapeshifter was willing to bet they were on their first ever C-class mission. He took a moment to observe their sensei. He didn't recognize her.

A fox-like smirk spread across the shinobi's face. It would be a simple matter to teach the gaki a little lesson. It would be good for them in the long run. Of course, that didn't mean he wouldn't enjoy it. Hiraku put on a burst of speed, moving ahead of the group. He only needed a moment.

"Crack!" Katsumi carefully studied the area the sound had come from. She didn't see anything. It had probably just been an animal. The young jounin looked back, only to have her eyes widen in horror. Outstretched arms shoved her students out of the way just as the trap triggered. The beauty's only thought was the hope that the genin would be safe.

Cold liquid poured onto her from above. Katsumi couldn't help but close her eyes. She was certain this was her end. One moment passed, then another; she didn't feel like she was dying? Cautiously, the jounin opened her eyes to see she had been covered in pick glitter. Her students looked stunned.

Katsumi spun, weapons in hand, as the sound of laughter reached her ears. She looked up to see a shadowed figure. What did the other ninja want? If he had wanted them dead he would have acted already.

The shapeshifter applauded. "Congratulations gaki, your carelessness has just gotten your sensei killed." At the genin's looks of horror he sighed. "I was speaking metaphorically."

Team Thirteen's sensei looked back at Hiraku with a steady gaze. "What do you want?"

The other ninja shrugged. "Nothing really. I just happened upon your team and thought I would give them a little test. After all, it's our duty to pass on knowledge to the younger generations. Your genin failed by the way," he stated unnecessarily.

Katsumi gritted her teeth, how dare this man judge her. "You could always train your own team if you are so interested in teaching," she hissed.

Hiraku just leaned back against the tree. "I suppose that is the problem with being a nukenin. I will never get the opportunity." He smirked when the group tensed, the genin flinching as he snapped his fingers. "I know; I'll just have to adopt."

The young woman felt sick. "What do you mean?" she asked. Truthfully, Katsumi was pretty sure she already knew.

"Your team will do fine I'm sure." Hiraku made a show of looking them over. "Granted, they don't exactly strike me as the next sannin," he paused as the trio bristled. This was more amusing than he had imagined. "But I suppose they will do."

The shapeshifter straightened up. "Ja ne jounin-san, 'til next we meet." A quick transport jutsu and he was gone.

Katsumi quickly moved her team in the direction of Konoha, her mind on the strange encounter. The man had just been kidding, right? Only later would she realize her hair too had turned pink.

_NCNCNCNC_

_All right, the torture of poor Katsumi has begun_

_It is not that I don't like her, I do_

_It's just so fun though_

_As always, any ideas you have are welcome_

_They might show up in the story later_


	14. Mongooses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not own Naruto_

_I do not own Naruto_

**Drabble Fourteen**

When Akira located his wayward partner in Rice Country standing over some empty cages and cackling, he decided it was a bad sign. After taking a moment to contemplate whether or not he really wanted to know, he inquired what Hiraku was doing.

"Well," the shapeshifter stretched out the single word. "You know how Orochimaru uses his smaller summons to patrol Hidden Sound?"

The poison user hadn't, but it made sense. "Go on."

"I thought it would be funny to let loose a bunch of mongoose."

Akira considered this for a bit before his eyes widened. "Don't mongoose eat snakes?" he squeaked.

"Yep," Hiraku looked very pleased with himself. His partner didn't look so pleased.

The former grass nin let out a sound halfway between a scream and a moan before grabbing the shapeshifter's arm and dragging him in the direction of Wind Country. He didn't want to be anywhere around when the Snake Sannin came looking.

_NCNCNCNC_

_Akira is not a coward_

_He just possesses common sense_

_Something Hiraku lacks_

**Drabble 14.5**

_(This could become a habit)_

"Don't just stand there, get them!" the ninja put his own words into action and lunged at the small creature. His intentions were foiled when the mongoose darted between his hands with a snake's speed, faster even.

Things were not going well in the Hidden Village of Sound. It was unlikely there was a single snake smaller than a python left anywhere inside the city walls. The mongooses had been very hungry after their long trip, and snakes were their natural enemies.

Orochimaru stood on top of one of the buildings, overlooking _The Great Hunt_, as it would come to be called. He looked furious. He had spent years training those serpents. Now he would have to start over with a new batch. He didn't know any of them well enough to summon them purposely.

The snake-like man's mood wasn't helped by the fact one of the mongoose had bitten him. His hands clenched as he imagined them around a certain violet-eyed ninja's throat. Orochimaru was certain this was Kazama's doing.

The Sound nin never did manage to catch all of the small rodents. Worse, for them anyway, the mongooses found the habitat suited them very well. It wasn't long before they set up a colony and began to breed.

_NCNCNCNC_

_For Nukenin, I hope you liked it_

_I know I did_


	15. Look Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Naruto is not mine_

_Naruto is not mine_

_However, I might be able to claim the O.C.s I am tor. . ._

_Err, I mean playing with_

**Drabble Fifteen**

The not yet illustrious members of Genin Team Thirteen were involved in their most strenuous mission yet. It was a duty despised by every ninja in the whole of Fire Country, from the Fifth Hokage to the lowliest genin. Yes, Tora the cat had once again escaped his oh so loving owner.

Not that the poor creature could really be blamed. It was amazing the thing hadn't died of suffocation. Or old age, just how old was Tora anyway. It seemed like every ninja in the village had been assigned to the task at one time or another.

Tora had become more desperate in recent years, wandering further and further from home. This time, the cat had fled into one of Konoha's many outlying forests. The genin had had no choice but to follow if they wanted to complete their mission. Their teacher followed a bit behind, laughing at her students' misfortune. She too had encountered the devil cat during her own years under Kyoko-sensei.

"I am going to kill that creature," Mai growled in the manner of her Inuzuka relatives as she struggled to bandage her mangled arm. She was starting to regret leaving her dog, Taiga, at home. Next time she wouldn't.

"Don't be stupid," Daiki put in. "We can't kill Tora." Any hopes that he was the voice of reason were erased by the look in his eyes. They had gained a maniacal glint. "There are far worse things than death, and I just learned this new genjutsu," his voice trailed off meaningfully. It would be the perfect opportunity to test his new move.

As for Mizu, he said nothing. In his opinion this entire mission was beneath him. What did chasing a runaway cat have to do with being ninja anyway? The pink haired boy looked down his nose at the other two. "Let's just find the target and get out of here." He spun and stalked off, heading deeper into the forest.

His oh so manly exit was ruined when the ground gave way beneath him. There was a high-pitched scream, followed by a splash. The other two ninja rushed to the edge of the pit. Their sensei joined them a moment later, the sound alerting her to the trouble.

"Are you alright Mizu?" Mai called down to him.

He glared. "Do I look alright?" His skin was turning blue. The water in the pit was about halfway to becoming ice. It made for an interesting contrast with his hair. "Get me out of here!"

After Mizu had been retrieved from the pit, the group turned around to see a blanket, along with a scroll.

_Silly gaki, _the message read. _Don't be so busy looking up that you forget to look down. A ninja must always be aware of their surroundings. Next time it might not be water._

Katsumi's fingers clenched. She had no doubt the message was from the mysterious nukenin they had encountered on their last mission outside the village. So much for it being a joke.

"Achoo!" Mizu sneezed. Even with the blanket he was still freezing, and they still hadn't found that stupid cat.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_Still working on fleshing out my O.C.s personalities_

_I hope you like_

_As always, any ideas are welcome_


	16. Akatsuki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Sorry, caught a case of writer's block_

_Sorry, caught a case of writer's block_

_I'll try to do better_

**Drabble Sixteen**

Itachi and Kisame were silent as they made their way back to the Akatsuki's lair. By the time the pair had it across the chasm, their prey's trail was impossible to follow. Naruto was no stranger to being chased. He had learned all the tricks to losing a pursuer.

They had stayed in the area for a short while, trying to gain any information about what the demon vessel had been up to the last few years. Unfortunately, for them at least, they had been less than successful. All they knew was what their prey had chosen to tell them. It was obvious the younger shinobi had just been passing through.

The other members of the Akatsuki looked up when the pair entered. "Your late," Pein said flatly. He was not pleased.

Itachi could care less. "We were delayed," the elder Uchiha put in as he removed his heavy cloak. "We ran across the most interesting person."

"Who?" One of the others asked.

Kisame grinned, his shark-like teeth gleaming in the light. "Naruto Uzumaki, though he calls himself Hiraku now."

There was a moment of silence while the pair's comrades digested that. Suddenly Kakuzu blinked. "Hiraku," he queried. "Hiraku Kazama? Red orange highlights, claws, slit violet eyes?"

"We do not know his chosen surname, but the description sounds accurate," Itachi stated. "Have you heard of him?"

The money obsessed ninja nodded. "Orochimaru has a huge price on his head." For a moment Kakuzu looked disappointed. "If it was anyone but the snake, I would have gone after the bounty myself."

"What did he do un?" Deidara questioned. If the bounty was high enough to interest the immortal it had to be something serious. The other members of the Akatsuki looked interested as well.

"He has been pulling pranks. Just last month he let loose a group of mongoose in Hidden Sound."

Another silence, then Deidara started to snicker. He would have to find out what else the jinchuuriki had done. It promised to be amusing.

_NCNCNCNCNCNC_

_Enter Akatsuki_

_Please review_

_As always, any ideas are welcome_


	17. Dating Book

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Naruto is not mine_

_Naruto is not mine_

_Sniff, still can't believe Itachi is dead_

**Drabble Seventeen**

Casually, Orochimaru browsed through what he believed to be the latest version of Konoha's bingo book. He made a habit of keeping updated on what the other villages knew about his ninja. It was a great way to pick out weaknesses that needed to be corrected.

The Snake Sannin frowned as he read the entry on his right hand man_. Yakushi__Kabuto, _it read. _This hunk of a man has gorgeous silver hair and deep dark eyes. His healing hands can take you straight to heaven. Like all shinobi he has great stamina, and who knows what hidden talents lurk in his depths._

The vein in Orochimaru's forehead started pulsing as he skimmed some of the other entries. His best kunoichi was said to have missed her calling as a swimsuit model and the latest version of the Sound Four seemed more like the makings of an orgy than a team of skilled ninja. This wasn't a bingo book; it was more like a magazine you would pick up at a dating agency.

Kazama, it had to be. No one else would dare. Didn't the younger man have anything better to do? Cautiously, the Snake searched for his own entry. He didn't really want to know, but in this case ignorance wasn't bliss. At least this way he would be aware what he was up against.

_Orochimaru. This dark haired beauty is as flexible as a snake, and just as quick, with a tongue to die for. He has a strange fascination with make-up, but is feminine enough to pull it off. Boys over the age of fourteen need not apply. _

Green/Yellow eyes narrowed. He was not amused, not at all. A dark aura began to infuse the room.

The door slammed open. "Orochimaru-sama!"

"I am not a pedophile," the Otokage snapped.

The man froze. "Yes Orochimaru-sama," he ventured.

The Snake Sannin's glare sharpened and the feeling of his killing intent went up a notch.

"Err, no Orochimaru-sama." At this point the shinobi decided duty only went so far. He dropped his report on the desk and bolted from the room, praying a bolt of lightning, or something similar, would not follow.

Else ware Hiraku grinned as he finished sending off the last of his packages. Making a hundred copies of a book was just as easy as making one, and it wouldn't do for his work to go to waste.

**Omake**

_(For sashlea)_

Violet eyes gleamed as Hiraku held the hell beast by the scruff of the neck. Perfect, no client, no disapproving sensei, vengeance would be his. The low cackle that emerged from the shapeshifter's throat sent chills down Tora's spine.

**Don't you think you are overreacting a bit? **Kyuubi questioned.

_No, I'm telling you fox; this thing is evil. Ninja everywhere will thank me for this._

**It is just a cat.**

Hiraku snorted, _a demon cat maybe. _He swore aloud asTora took a swipe at him, drawing blood. "I told you Kyuubi," the shapeshifter hissed. "Evil."

Kyuubi just rolled his eyes before curling into a ball, tails over his nose. His host could do what he wanted. Meanwhile, a nap sounded great. It wasn't like there was anything important going on.

In the outside world, the cat let out a pathetic mew and gave the strange demon/human its best pathetic look. Hiraku was unmoved. His fangs gleamed, "payback is a bitch kitty cat."

The fire lord's wife was thrilled when the highly traumatized feline made its way back into Konoha a week later. Until the day it died, Tora never strayed from her side again, and yes, the ninja were grateful.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_I hope you liked it_

_Next should be another scene with Team 13_

_Please review, or face my kitty_

_It breathes fire_


	18. Teamwork

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Naruto is not mine_

_Naruto is not mine_

**Drabble Eighteen**

Hiraku gave a dramatic shudder as the genins' killer intent washed over him. "Stop it," he protested. "That tickles." It had been pure luck that he had stumbled across the group, but the shapeshifter hadn't hesitated to take advantage of the opportunity. They were just so fun to play with.

The children glared at their impromptu sensei from their place on the ground. The three were exhausted, covered in sweat, and hurting. None of the wounds were serious, but they were bleeding. The shapeshifter prescribed to the school of _what does not kill you makes you stronger._ After all, it had worked for him.

Team Thirteen's sensei glared too, though she had forgone the killing intent. It would do her no good from her position. Katsumi had been trapped within a swirling dome of wind. Hiraku had modified it off the water prison he had seen Zabuza use on his first C-class mission.

Casually Hiraku leaned against a nearby tree looking totally relaxed. "So tell me gaki, what have we learned?" Much to the disgust of the genin, he wasn't even winded.

"That you're a bastard," Daiki groaned. The genjutsu user was not happy. The missing nin had shrugged off his best techniques as if they were mere annoyances. If the genin had known Hiraku had fought Itachi Uchiha, and lived to tell the tale, he would have felt better about his failure, but he didn't.

The demon vessel rolled his eyes; his parents had been happily married thank you very much. "Wrong answer. Care to try again?"

"That you are stronger than us," the pink haired boy put in. Though Mizu had recognized the reality of the situation, his inner self did not agree. The genin's alter ego was already starting to plot sweet revenge, not that it would ever happen.

"Nope," Hiraku grinned cheerfully. "But that is closer. Perhaps I should put this a different way," he mused. "What did you do wrong?"

? ? ? Now the children were confused. They hadn't done anything wrong, had they?

"You attacked me individually," the shapeshifter enlightened them. "You were put on teams for a reason, but when you came at me, each of you attacked alone. That was your mistake." Hiraku's grin slid off his face, leaving a serious and highly competent ninja in its wake. "I have known ninja who thought they were better than everyone else, who believed they did not need help. They were usually the first to die."

The genin listened intently, entranced by the nukenin's change in demeanor.

"It doesn't matter how strong you are," Hiraku continued. "How fast, how many jutsu you know. Even the most powerful ninja will fall, if they always fight alone. This is a lesson I hope you learn the easy way," he smiled sadly. "The hard way usually involves a great deal of blood."

Mai managed to lever herself up on one arm. "Hypocrite!" She spat. "Then why do you fight alone?

Violet eyes blinked, and just like that the moment was over. Hiraku's usual grin stretched across his face. "Who said I do," he glanced up at the sun. "Speaking of which, I should get going before my partner comes looking for me. He will be angry enough as it is."

A moment later the jutsu that held Katsumi imprisoned collapsed. Not that it mattered; the shapeshifter was gone.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_The next one should be up by tomorrow_

_That traitorous, backstabbing, moronic, bas. . ._

_Err; Yoko Souji gets what is coming to him_


	19. Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one_

_And now the story you have all been waiting for_

**Drabble Nineteen**

Shadowed eyes watched the leaf jounin from the cover of the trees. Every dark impulse Hiraku had ever had screamed at him to take the traitor now, to rip his limbs clean off. He knew the older ninja was no match for him in a straight fight.

Fortunately for everyone he had ever encountered, the shapeshifter did not allow such thoughts to control him. He would wait, just a bit further and Souji would be far enough from Wind Country that no one would question Sand's ignorance in the matter. Hiraku didn't want to cause trouble for Gaara if he could avoid it.

Yoko spun, knives in hand as he examined the surrounding foliage. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. He could almost feel someone's gaze boring into him, but he didn't see anything. A moment later the ninja shook his head in disgust. There was nothing there; he was just being paranoid.

Casually the jounin dropped the knives back into their holsters. That was a mistake. Hundreds of senbon needles shot from all directions. There was no way he could dodge all of them. Yoko hissed as the needles ripped past him, leaving small, but painful wounds in their wake.

"Who is there? Show yourself," he demanded. The only answer the leaf nin received was a dark laugh that seemed to come from all around him. Yoko staggered forward as a wind jutsu slammed into him from behind. The ninja spun, lashing out with one of his knives. Hiraku was already gone. The blade slammed harmlessly into the trunk of a tree.

"You missed," a breathy voice echoed through the trees.

Sweat ran down Yoko's face as he desperately examined his surroundings. He still didn't see anything. Where was his attacker? "Come out and face me like a man!"

A smirk crossed Hiraku's face. Yeah right, he was a ninja, not a samurai. The jinchuuriki was perfectly content to strike from cover. Perhaps once, he would have confronted the other head on. He had grown up since then.

The shapeshifter watched in amusement as his prey spun one way, then another attempting to avoid the deluge of weapons and techniques that shot his way. There was no way for the jounin to know he was fighting shadows, literally. Kage Bushin was such a useful jutsu.

After a while the violet-eyed man tired of the game. It was time to finish this. He shot from the foliage, swiping a kunai across the back of Souji's legs as he passed. Then, he turned to face Naruto's killer.

Yoko dropped to the ground like a puppet whose strings had been cut, both tendons neatly severed. This didn't make sense, the shinobi thought frantically to himself. He wasn't anyone important; his mission was complete. Why was this happening to him? The jounin looked up into his attackers eyes. "Who are you?" he hissed.

Hiraku smiled. "What's wrong sempei?" he turned the usually respectful honorific into an insult. "Don't you recognize me? Perhaps this will help." Streaked hair morphed into golden blond and his eyes regained their original shade. Three distinctive scars stretched across each cheek. "Recognize me now?" the jinchuuriki asked.

The jounin's eyes widened. "Demon."

A snarl emerged from Hiraku's throat. "You are in no position to be calling names traitor."

"I am not a traitor," Yoko protested.

The demon vessel laughed. "Just keep telling yourself that." Then, he moved.

The leaf jounin found himself pinned beneath the other. Hiraku's breath felt hot against his ear.

"Your first mistake, my dear Yoko, was to stab me in the back."

Souji swallowed hard. "Wh. . . What was the second?"

Violet eyes gleamed. "Isn't it obvious?" he questioned. "The second was not making sure I was dead. Unfortunately for you I will not make the same mistake."

"Monster." Yoko went still as sharp claws passed lightly over his face.

"You know," Hiraku stated conversationally. "I have heard that it is possible to skin a man alive. I doubt I would get a better chance than this to experiment."

The other was so scared he did not even feel the kunai in Hiraku's other hand slip between his ribs and into his heart.

For a moment, Hiraku did not move. Then he spoke. "Fortunately for you, I am not a monster, no matter what Konoha might think." The shapeshifter rose to his feet, using a quick katon jutsu to dispose of the body. As tempting as it was to leaving Souji's corpse to rot, he could not afford to leave evidence. Who knows, perhaps the jounin would be declared a missing nin when he did not return from his mission. It was nothing less than the man deserved.

**Drabble 19.5**

Hiraku thanked the kami every day for Akira. Meeting him had been a lucky break. Then again, he had always had good karma outside the whole demon vessel issue. It almost made up for all the other shit that had happened in his life. He couldn't have asked for a better partner if he tried.

The poison user complemented his skills perfectly. He was intelligent, powerful, skilled with genjutsu. Akira had a gift for reading both enemy and ally alike. Best of all though, he knew when not to speak.

It was a nice contrast from his old team. Sakura wouldn't even have noticed he was upset and Sasuke would have simply demanded information. Sad as it was, neither of them had ever understood him, not the way his new partner did.

Akira had not said a word when Hiraku walked into their temporary accommodations covered with blood. It was clear from the look on the shapeshifter's face he did not want to talk about it. The poison user respected his partner's privacy and knew that Hiraku would do the same. If the demon vessel wanted to tell him, than he would. Until then, they would both keep their silence.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_We'll just pretend that I did not create Akira specifically for Hiraku_

_Hope you liked this one. Parts of it were a major pain to write._


	20. Reactions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Naruto is not mine_

_Naruto is not mine_

_Please don't sue_

**Drabble Twenty**

"So," Tsunade said thoughtfully. "A nukenin has taken an interest in your genin team."

"Yes Hokage-sama," Katsumi confirmed. "His name is Hiraku Kazama."

"Kazama," the medic rolled the name around thoughtfully. It didn't sound familiar, which meant he probably hadn't crossed Konoha. She considered the matter a moment before looking back at the jounin sensei. "I am sorry Katsumi; I can understand your concern for your students. But the truth is we cannot afford to send resources against a non-hostile," she said somewhat regretfully.

Especially one as potentially dangerous as this missing nin seemed to be. Perhaps her old teammate would be able to fill in more details about this Hiraku Kazama next time he was in Konoha. Tsunade made a mental note to ask him.

"But," the young woman protested. "He is stalking my team. We can't even step outside the village without running across him." That was bad enough, but what really rankled was that the nukenin was stronger than her. Kazama had proved that beyond a doubt during their last encounter. Katsumi had felt like a genin again. He had kicked her butt.

Tsunade just shook her head. "That doesn't matter," she stated calmly. "Besides," the slug sannin added, looking out the tower window to where Team Thirteen was waiting for their teacher. "They seem to be improving."

A generous person would have described the demeanor of the three genin as alert. More truthfully, they were suffering from the onset of paranoia. Not that this was a bad thing. It is not really paranoia if someone really is out to get you.

Katsumi just looked at her leader horrified. "Hokage-sama!!"

**Drabble 20.5**

Orochimaru tapped the report he had just received against his lips thoughtfully. So Kazama had adopted a genin team had he, one from Konoha at that. That was unexpected. Then again, the other shinobi was nothing if not unpredictable.

For a moment the snake sannin considered sending someone out to kill them before disregarding the idea. No, the violet-eyed ninja caused enough trouble as it was. Orochimaru didn't want to consider what Kazama would do if he decided to seek vengeance.

Hiraku seemed to enjoy torturing Orochimaru's minions more than anything. That meant most of them came through their various ordeals alive. Which was good, at least as far as Sound was concerned. The village had lost way to many ninja in recent years. Their leader's vendetta against Konoha had been costly.

Besides, the ninja rationalized. As long as Kazama was out torturing the genin, he wasn't anywhere near Hidden Sound. To Orochimaru, that was a good thing. He made a mental note to keep track of the team's progress. It would be interesting to see how they turned out.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_Sorry for the wait_

_It is finals week_

_I'll try to get another up once my tests are finished_


	21. Addiction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Still don't own Naruto_

_Still don't own Naruto_

**Drabble Twenty-One**

The air between the two parties was so thick you could cut it with a knife. On one side was Hiraku and his partner. Facing them, Itachi and Kisame. The chakra discharge coming off the four missing nin was starting to become visible, and the fight hadn't even started yet.

Akira's grip on his daggers tightened as he regarded former member of the seven swordsmen. He had no illusions. Luck had been a primary factor in his last encounter with Kisame, and he knew it. Still, there was no way he was just going to leave Hiraku to the Akatsuki's nonexistent mercy.

Meanwhile, the shapeshifter was trying to find a non-violent way out of the situation. He really didn't want to fight the pair if he could avoid it. They were far too dangerous. Where Itachi and Kisame were concerned, he preferred to run. Unless of course the advantage was his, right now it wasn't.

Violet eyes lit up and Hiraku smiled. Once upon a time, when Anko had gotten really drunk, somehow the subject of Itachi Uchiha had come up. At the time he had thought the information useless. Now, that piece of trivia was going to save his life. He had a plan.

"Hey Itachi!" he shouted. "Don't you have better things to be doing today than chasing me?"

"Not especially," came the emotionless reply. The dark haired man's status as a mass murderer had really cut down on his social life.

Hiraku raised a brow. "You mean you aren't going to the pocky festival in Ozura?" The bait had been set, now he just had to wait for the other to bite. It didn't take long.

"What pocky festival?" Itachi demanded. He hadn't heard about this.

Kisame reached out to place a steady hand on the younger ninja's shoulder. "Steady Itachi, remember the mission." His partner took a deep breath. Yes, the mission. Indulging his pocky addiction would have to wait.

The jinchuuriki pressed his advantage. "I hear they are releasing a brand new flavor."

Itachi froze. Pocky, mission, pocky, mission, POCKY!! He grabbed Kisame's arm, dragging his partner off in the direction of the village.

"But," the shark like man tried to protest. "What about our jinchuuriki?"

"Hiraku-kun can wait. It is not like he is going anywhere." They would just tell the others the demon vessel had gotten away. It wasn't like that was a new occurrence.

The Uchiha wasn't the only one who ended up man handling his partner. Akira had gone into shock at the sight of the S-class nukenin abandoning his mission for the sake of a pocky festival. He and Hiraku covered almost twenty miles of ground before the poison-user finally snapped out of it.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_I just think the idea of Itachi with a pocky addiction is so funny_

_He and Kisame will show up again though_

_They are the persistent type_


	22. Quick Steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Naruto is not mine_

_Naruto is not mine_

_If it were Itachi would be alive and Sasuke wouldn't be such an idiot_

**Drabble Twenty-Two**

"Mai stop!" the jounin ordered.

The girl froze, one foot still in the air. One look was all she needed to discover the problem. A thin wire lay across the trail, her foot a bare inch above it. Mai slowly stepped backwards, away from the trap. Once she was on firmer ground, metaphorically speaking, the genin let out a deep breath.

"That was close," Daiki murmured. He wasn't especially eager to see what the booby trap would have set off.

Team Thirteen wasn't overly surprised when a snort came from the trees above them. Sure enough, Hiraku lay comfortably sprawled on one of the wider branches. Casually the nukenin twirled a kunai on the tip of his finger.

"Am I supposed to be impressed?" the shapeshifter asked. "Any idiot can navigate a trap field, given enough time." His words were carefully chosen to rile the genin up. It worked.

Sakura's cousin scowled up at their other sensei belligerently. "Then what was the point?" he demanded. The pink haired boy tended to take the most _damage_ during Hiraku's so-called tests. He was not pleased to see the other.

His official sensei winced at her student's tone, and winced again when she noticed the other traps. They were surrounded. Katsumi had a nasty feeling she knew what was coming. She was right.

The missing nin laughed as he rose smoothly to his feet. "Today little gaki," he said in a tone he picked up from Iruka. "We are testing your reaction time." The kunai sped from his hand; cutting the wire Mai had nearly stepped on, and starting a chain reaction. This would be good.

Five minutes later it was all over. Daiki was hanging upside down by a snare, the blood rushing to his head. Mai and her dog had been tagged by a bucket of orange dye. They wouldn't find out until later that it was the permanent stuff. As for Mizu, the Haruno was still trying to lose the bees that were chasing him. The hive had dropped on him, agitating the insects. Red welts rose on the genin's skin from where he hadn't been fast enough.

As for Katsumi, the jounin didn't have a hair out of place. She was on a different level than her students. If the traps had caught her, she would have had no business being a teacher. "Once we get back to Konoha," she announced. "We will be running speed drills until all of you can get through a similar field unscathed." The jounin was just thankful Kazama had chosen non-lethal materials. It could have been much worse.

The trio looked first at each other, then at the older shinobi. "We hate you sensei," they chorused in unison. Though truly, it was more because she had escaped humiliation than for the work she had assigned them.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_Hope you liked it_

_On another note, I must apologize _

_Once again I am abandoning you all for the summer in_

_favor of the deep woods so don't expect updates_

_I am taking my writing notebooks though_

_so there will be a bunch to post when I get back_


	23. Raid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hello everyone, I'm back and have lots of stuff to update. I'll try to get it all up as soon as possible but I don't intend to kill myself typing. Hope you enjoy._

_Hello everyone, I'm back and have lots of stuff to update. I'll try to get it all up as soon as possible but I don't intend to kill myself typing. Hope you enjoy._

_-peppymint_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one._

**Raid**

Akira crept silently through the Hidden Village of Sound in search of his wayward partner. _I can't believe I'm doing this, _he thought to himself. Perhaps insanity was catching. If so, Hiraku had a lot to answer for.

The brunette winced as a stray cat bolted in front of him, knocking over a few empty cans, before disappearing over a nearby wall. One second passed, then another, nothing. Slowly he let out a deep breath. It seemed he was still in the clear. Never again, Akira swore to himself. His nerves couldn't handle this kind of stress, and Hiraku could take care of himself.

A pair of green eyes narrowed, and speaking of his partner there he was. The shapeshifter was standing next to a flagpole, an empty bag at his feet. Akira squinted up into the pre-dawn darkness. There was something up there. His eyes widened dramatically when he realized what it was. "Are those underwear?" the brunette hissed quietly.

Hiraku nodded absurdly proud of himself. "Yep," he answered. Operation Panty Raid was now complete. He turned to face his friend, a mischievous grin stretched across his features. "Orochimaru wears briefs in case you're wondering."

His partner's only response to that was a blank stare. Why did he work with the other again? At that moment, Akira couldn't remember.

**Drabble 23.5**

A pounding on his door awakened the Snake Sannin. He groaned deep in his throat. It was too early. That didn't stop him from getting up though. No, Orochimaru was not a morning person. He especially didn't like the cold. On days like this he almost regretted leaving Fire Country. Yes Konoha did have a large price on his head, but at least it was warm there.

The longhaired man glided to the door, his skill not affected by the temperature in the slightest. A ninja who didn't learn to ignore discomfort was not a ninja long. They were a corpse instead. He glared at the man on the other side. "What?" he hissed.

"There are underwear hanging from the flagpole Orochimaru-sama."

It didn't take the Sannin long to determine what must have happened, and he was not pleased. Though for once, Hiraku was not the subject of his ire. They had woken him up for this. "So get them down fool!" Then, Orochimaru slammed the door in the messenger's face. He was going back to bed.

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_Hope you liked this one. I did._

_Now I just have to figure out which one I should type next._


	24. Caution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not own Naruto_

_I do not own Naruto_

**Caution**

Katsumi glared at the mysteriously flooded canyon. The bridge that had once crossed it was entirely under water. A short message had been carved into the rock. "Just how incompetent does he think I am?!" she demanded. She was quite capable of training her students without Kazama's help.

The amber-eyed woman held onto her anger. It felt good. Plus, it was better than thinking about how much chakra the nukenin had blown to pull this stunt. Katsumi knew there was no way she could have done it. At least not without overdosing on soldier pills first.

"All right team," the jounin ordered. "Follow me." She stepped out onto the surface of the water, head held high. Slowly, her genin followed. They were a little wobbly, but they could do it.

It didn't take long for Team Thirteen to reach the other side. There was a scroll waiting for them. Mizu didn't spare a second thought about picking it up and opening it. That was a mistake.

BOOM!!

The scroll blew up in the boy's face. When the smoke cleared, Mizu's features held a stunned expression. His skin had been stained black with soot and the Haruno's pink hair was standing on end. His two cellmates tried not to laugh, another held no such qualms.

A low chuckle emerged from Hiraku's throat, drawing the team's attention to the low outcropping of rock on which he stood. "Silly gaki," the shapeshifter mocked. "Just because something has always been safe doesn't mean it will always be so."

"You," Katsumi fumed. For a moment she was at a loss for words. "You stay away from my students."

Hiraku just gave her an admiring look. "Has anyone ever told you that you look magnificent when you're angry jounin-san." Then, he disappeared.

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_Poor Katsumi, the other sensei's never have these problems_

_For those of you thinking she is weak, she's not_

_She is simply not on Hiraku's level, or even Kakashi's_

_Just think of her as an ordinary jounin_

_Please review, I value your comments_


	25. Distraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not own Naruto_

_I do not own Naruto_

_All right, now that that's taken care of let's get back to the ficcage_

**Distraction**

The two men moved as one. Their passage was swift and silent, not a single blade of grass stirring in their wake. Unfortunately, the pair that pursued them was equally skilled.

"This isn't working," Akira stated. They weren't going to lose them, not like this.

The shapeshifter's lips formed a tight, thin line. His partner hadn't said anything Hiraku hadn't already been thinking. If given a choice, he preferred to avoid the Akatsuki. Every encounter with the group was a huge risk. It was a pity Itachi and Kisame did not seem inclined to cooperate with his wishes.

"I have a plan," the demon vessel stated at last. "It should distract them for a bit," and really, a bit was all they needed.

"And if it doesn't?"

Hiraku shrugged. "Then we fight." It should work. Itachi had left Konoha a long time ago and there was no way Kisame had heard of the technique. The two nukenin confronted their pursuers in an empty clearing.

A broad grin spread across Kisame's features. "Finally decided to stop running kid?" he inquired. He was looking forward to a rematch with Hiraku's partner.

The shapeshifter didn't answer, not verbally at least. Instead his hands came up to form a move he hadn't used in years. Perhaps it was disgraceful, but as long as it was effective Hiraku couldn't care less. "Sexy no jutsu."

Smoke cleared to reveal a drop dead gorgeous blond woman. She was also butt naked, artfully placed clouds protecting what little modesty she possessed. The shapeshifter's blue eyes filled with tears and her lower lip trembled. "You wouldn't really hurt me, would you Kisame-kun?" Her voice was as attractive as the rest of her, low and breathy.

The jinchuuriki was rewarded by the absolutely gob smacked look on Itachi's face. The Uchiha was stunned, STUNNED. His partner's reaction was a bit more extreme. The former mist nin went white, then red, a huge gush of blood rushing from his nose before he hit the ground with an audible thump.

Hiraku dropped the jutsu, reverting to his natural form. "I don't believe it," the shapeshifter gasped. "He actually fainted." He might have stood there indefinitely if Akira had not broken out of his own trance, grabbing the other's arm.

"Who cares," the poison-user said. "Let's go."

Needless to say, Kisame could not look the other members of the Akatsuki in the eyes for a month. As for Itachi, he promptly commandeered the move for his own use. It really was a clever technique.

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_Please review and_

_if you have an idea don't hesitate to share_


	26. Titanic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _If I owned Naruto Sasuke would be dead instead of Itachi_

_If I owned Naruto Sasuke would be dead instead of Itachi_

**Titanic**

The two darkly clad figures stood effortlessly on top of the waves, observing the small yacht that held their target. They were in the process of determining their plan of attack.

'I vote we just sink it,' Akira signaled. There was no one on board but Koguru and his lackeys. The world would be better off without them. The whole group was a boil on the face of society.

Hiraku considered his partner's words a moment before nodding. 'Agreed,' he sent back. Speaking aloud would have been faster, but sound traveled easily over the water. It was true; the pair of missing nin could have taken the others in a straight fight. But why take risks? This way was safer.

'How are you for explosive tags?' the poison-user asked. Subtle, his plan was not. Still, it would be effective, and that was what mattered.

The shapeshifter reached out to grab his partner's arm. 'Wait, I have a better idea.' A sly grin crossed his face; he had always wanted to try this, ever since that trip to snow country.

Green eyes watched with curiosity as Hiraku prepared his jutsu. Just what was the other up to? Part of the poison-user wondered if he should stop him. Ultimately though, Akira decided it wasn't worth the effort.

A path of ice shot across the water, gathering in front of the small ship. For a moment, nothing happened. Then a huge spur of the frozen liquid burst out of the sea, directly in the yacht's path.

"Iceberg!" one of the crewmembers shouted in horror. "Iceberg dead ahead." They tried desperately to turn, but it was too late. The ship was going down.

Akira stared at his partner incredulously. "An iceberg?" he repeated aloud.

The jinchuuriki just shrugged. Who cared what the other thought? In his opinion, it had been awesome.

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_Don't ask me where this one came from_

_My mind works in odd ways_


	27. Dating Book II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not own Naruto_

_I do not own Naruto_

_Inspired by Starlight and Hebi R._

**Dating Book II**

It was an unusually peaceful day in the Akatsuki lair. Itachi and Konan were playing a game of go while Kisame polished Samehada. Sasori was working on a new puppet; Hidan was meditating, and Deidara had been convinced that working on his art underground was perhaps not the wisest idea.

As for the money obsessed Kakuzu, he was looking through the bingo books in search of the latest bounties. Nothing new there. Suddenly, his eyes widened and the missing nin made a choking sound. This attracted the others' attention. Then the hooded man smiled.

"Hey guys," Kakuzu called. "Listen to this." Clearing his throat, he began to read. "_Orochimaru. This dark haired beauty is as flexible as a snake, and just as quick, with a tongue to die for. He has a strange fascination with make-up, but is feminine enough to pull it off. Boys over the age of fourteen need not apply."_

There was a moment of silence. Then the grins appeared. Itachi couldn't help himself, he snickered. The Uchiha would have paid good money to have seen the look on the Snake's face.

Only Tobi looked confused. "I don't get it," he muttered. Behind the swirled mask, a single eye lit up and he turned to the puppet master. "You were Orochimaru's partner Sasori-san," he said excitedly. "And you look fourteen. Do you know…"

"Erk!" Tobi was cut off when the redhead's scorpion tail whipped around him. It tightened, depriving the masked man of oxygen while lifting him off the ground.

"If you ever," Sasori growled. "Imply such a thing again it will be the last thing you ever do."

A faint whimper escaped the bound figure's throat. "Tobi is a good boy," he murmured pathetically. Black spots were beginning to dance around his vision.

The coils of the puppet loosened, dropping the masked man. One hand went up to massage his sore throat. Sheesh, Tobi thought to himself. Talk about overreactions.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_Sorry this wasn't up yesterday_

_Had to go to dinner at grandmas_


	28. Home Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not and will never own Naruto_

_I do not and will never own Naruto_

**Home Ground**

"So then," Katsumi slurred as she downed another saucer of sake. "He calls me beautiful." She was feeling a bit tipsy, nothing serious though. The young woman rarely drank. Right now though, she felt she deserved do drown her sorrows for a while.

"There there," the other kunoichi patted her on the back. "Surely it isn't all that bad. Is Kazama handsome?"

"No!" After a moment the jounin sensei slumped in her seat. "Yes," she admitted. "In a rugged, bad boy sort of way."

The pair's conversation was cut short by the sound of an explosion. Sobriety returned in an instant. That had come from training ground sixteen. Katsumi paled. "My student's," she gasped.

The amber eyed woman was up and running in a heartbeat. The scene that greeted her was like something out of the early days of the Konohamaru Corps. The three genin were covered in soot.

Daiki coughed, a dazed expression on his face. "Too much gunpowder," he murmured. The brunette wasn't quite sure why he did it. It just seemed like the thing to say.

A scroll lay nearby. After checking to make sure it wasn't booby-trapped the group rolled it open. _Silly gaki, _it read. _Just because you're inside your home village doesn't mean you are always safe._

Katsumi could hear her teeth grinding. She had changed her mind. Kazama was a toad, an odious toad. It was no easy feat, sneaking into Konoha, but still. "Am I supposed to be impressed," the jounin shouted to the sky. "I'm not!" Other girls got flowers, not assaults on their charges.

It was Mai who spoke. "Err sensei," the dog-user put in tentatively. "I think he's gone."

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_Another down_

_Many more to go_

_Hope you liked_


	29. Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Do not, have never, and will never own Naruto_

_Do not, have never, and will never own Naruto_

**Acceptance**

It wasn't unusual to find Hiraku meditating in his mindscape. He did it for a number of reasons. The first was to check the status of the seal. No matter how close he and Kyuubi had become he knew the other would seize his freedom in a heartbeat if the opportunity ever presented itself. The shapeshifter didn't blame him for that. If their positions had been reversed, he would do the same thing.

The second was that time moved slower here. Seconds could become days if he so desired. Hiraku used that to his advantage when working on a new jutsu. It was much more efficient than doing so in the outside world.

As his vessel worked, Kyuubi watched in fascination. The physical world had little to no bearing on the workings of the mind, which was why he was surprised by the kit's appearance. Sitting outside the bars of the cage was Hiraku Kazama, not Naruto Uzumaki. That was how the shapeshifter viewed himself now. It just went to show how thoroughly the other had accepted his new life.

One violet eye cracked open, staring at Kyuubi suspiciously. The demon was being far too quiet. "What are you looking at fox?"

The kitsune gave his host the equivalent of a smile. "Nothing," Kyuubi replied. "Nothing at all."

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_Wouldn't it be nice if the words just appeared on the screen as I thought_

_I hate typing, it seems like I will never catch up with my writing sometimes_


	30. Blush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _As always, I do not own Naruto_

_As always, I do not own Naruto_

_On another note, thank you sashlea_

_You never fail to inspire me_

**Blush**

The hospital, indeed all of Konoha, was in an uproar. An entire squad of ANBU had been found unconscious in the forest. Whatever had taken them out had no doubt been very fast. The area around them was completely intact and there was not so much as a single defensive wound on any of them.

A still figure moaned as he began the climb back to consciousness. Where was he? _Hawk, _a familiar voice tried to break through his daze. _Hawk. _The man frowned; he knew that voice. Suddenly it hit him. The Hokage! His eyes shot open and he tried to regain his feet, only to be stopped by the firm hand that was placed on his chest.

Tsunade looked unusually serious. "I need to know what happened Hawk."

The ANBU frowned. What had happened? He and his squad had been patrolling, and then. A faint flush worked its way up his cheeks as his memory of the event returned.

"Well," the Hokage prompted.

"My squad was doing a routine check of the village's perimeter when we encountered Itachi Uchiha. When we attempted to apprehend him he released a forbidden jutsu which rendered us all unconscious." All things considered the ninja was pleased with how even his voice came out.

Hazel eyes narrowed, a single move that could take out an entire squad of ANBU. "Tell me of this jutsu," she ordered. She needed to know as much as possible if she was going to protect her ninja.

Hawk's face darkened, going from light pink to a clearly red color. "It was one of ours Hokage-sama."

"What?!"

Miserably the man nodded; maybe the floor would come up and swallow him. Then he wouldn't have to tell her what happened. No such luck. "Uzumaki-san developed it years ago. He called it the sexy-no-jutsu."

Tsunade tried not to smile. It wasn't funny, really it wasn't. The Uchiha could have killed them all easily if he had wished. "You are dismissed Hawk." Quickly she turned and left the room, before her laughter could overcome her.

Slowly Hawk closed his eyes, how embarrassing. The entire village would probably hear what had happened by tomorrow. He shifted uncomfortably, trying to will away the image of a naked Itachi-chan. What he truly needed now was a cold shower.

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_Hope you liked it_

_I will try to update faster, but classes are hectic _


	31. Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _If I owned Naruto Sasuke would have died instead of his brother_

_If I owned Naruto Sasuke would have died instead of his brother_

**Conversations**

Akira looked up as his partner casually strolled back into their camp. The other appeared to be in a good mood. A soft sigh escaped his throat. What had Hiraku done now?

The shapeshifter was whistling cheerfully to himself while twirling a small camera around one finger. After some thought on the matter, Hiraku had given in and started a photo album. Assuming he managed to live to a ripe old age, unlikely considering both the longevity granted by his demon blood and his chosen profession, he would have something to reminisce on in his twilight years.

It wasn't as though the collection took up that much room either. Whoever had invented the field of fuinjutsu had truly been a genius without peer. Hiraku didn't know what he would do without it. Carrying all his gear the other way would be a major pain.

Akira sighed again as he put away the scroll he had been reading. He strongly suspected he knew where his partner had been. "Off tormenting those poor genin again?" he asked/stated. Truly, the poison-user felt a bit sorry for their sensei. Teaching was not an easy job period, and that was before he added his partner's antics.

An insulted looked crossed Hiraku's face. "I am not tormenting them," he protested. "I'm teaching them valuable life lessons."

"Uh huh," the brunette didn't look convinced.

"I am," the other insisted. After a moment Hiraku continued. "You know," his tone turned thoughtful. "Speaking of the gaki, there is something you could help me with."

"No"

"But aibou," Hiraku whined.

"Don't go dragging me into your schemes," Akira said firmly. Somehow though, the poison user suspected he would end up involved anyway, no matter what he said to the contrary.

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_For those of you who don't know_

_Aibou simply means partner_

_Hope you liked it and as always please review_


	32. Genjutsu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I own nothing and no one_

_I own nothing and no one_

**Genjutsu**

"Um Mizu."

"What?!" the pink haired genin snapped. Mai and Katsumi were off doing girl stuff, leaving the two male members of Team Thirteen alone.

"You don't want to go that way," Daiki warned. It was amazing how fast the other's mood could change, he reflected. If not for the fact the Haruno was a boy, his teammate would swear he was pmsing.

A pair of gray eyes narrowed. Just who was the brunette to tell him what to do? Mizu shot the other a look of distain before continuing on his way. He didn't get very far.

Splash!!!

The genjutsu master in training sighed, raising his hands to dispel the illusion. "Kai!" he commanded. For a moment the ground shimmered. Then the illusion lost its grip entirely, revealing the water filled pit.

At the bottom was the drenched Haruno. He had failed to catch himself in time. Slowly, Mizu climbed on top of the water and back onto solid ground. To say he wasn't happy was an understatement.

"Maybe next time you will listen to your teammate," a familiar voice put in.

Mizu glared up at his tormenter, ignoring the insane ramblings of his inner voice. "Not all of us can be perfect," he spat bitterly.

The shapeshifter almost laughed aloud at that. Him? Perfect? The dead last of his graduating class? That was just about the funniest thing he had ever heard. His partner wasn't so restrained. Akira did laugh, which drew the pair's attention to him.

Unconsciously, the two genin drew together. They had become accustomed, more or less, to Hiraku's presence in their lives, but this man was a stranger.

"Who are you?" Daiki asked, regarding the poison-user with wary eyes.

"I am the one who cast that genjutsu," Akira answered easily. His green eyes twinkled with mirth. "Hiraku couldn't cast a decent illusion to save his life."

The pair's jaws dropped. Surly this man was joking. Though now that they thought about it, Mizu and Daiki couldn't remember a single instance of the nukenin using genjutsu.

Playfully, Hiraku elbowed his partner in the side. "Akira," he protested. "You're ruining my mystique." He had almost had the gaki convinced he was invincible.

The poison-user just rolled his eyes. "Someone has to keep your ego down." If not him, then who?

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_Hope you liked it_

_I'll try to get the next one up by tomorrow_


	33. Another Distraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I still do not own Naruto_

_I still do not own Naruto_

_Witness Mizu's not so effective revenge_

**Distraction**

A pair of gray eyes darted from right to left and back again. If that nukenin dared to show himself Mizu was ready. While bemoaning the situation in front of his cousin, Sakura, he had learned of a technique certain to take Kazama down. It had felled many a great ninja.

Evidently the move had been invented by the young woman's former teammate. It was humiliating, to say the least, but Mizu felt it would be worth it. The shapeshifter would pay for everything he had put him through, and speaking of Hiraku, there he was. The older man was just standing in the middle of the trail, as though he didn't have a care in the world.

Determinedly the genin stepped forward. "Sexy no jutsu!" he cried. When the smoke cleared, a naked female bearing a remarkable resemblance to Sakura fluttered 'her' eyelashes at, at nothing. He blinked, where had Kazama gone? Smack! As Mizu stumbled forward he lost his grip on the technique, reverting to his natural form.

"Moron," Hiraku berated the younger ninja. "Never just assume a distraction technique will work. You left yourself wide open," he lectured. "Keep your eyes on your opponent." He paused, violet eyes sparkling with mischief. "Besides," he added. "I know a better one than that." The shapeshifter spun, hands flashing through his technique faster than Team Thirteen's sensei could react. "Sheering Winds no jutsu."

The move swept past Katsumi, ruffling the jounin's hair. For a moment it seemed as if nothing had happened. Then, her clothes fell to the ground. The seams had all been neatly cut. The amber-eyed woman went beat red. "Kazama!!!" she screamed in rage. Her first impulse was to hit the missing nin with a lightning enhanced chain. Unfortunately, those chains were all that was protecting what little was remained of her modesty. Katsumi settled for a powerful fire technique instead.

Hiraku rolled left, wincing as the tree behind him was incinerated on contact. This was undoubtedly his cue to leave. However, he paused to give the two male members of Team Thirteen one last piece of advice. "Remember this gaki, there is nothing more dangerous than an angry woman." Then the shapeshifter fled, Katsumi's curses, along with other things, following him the entire way.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_Thanks to _sashlea_ and err, someone else_

_I can't remember who and there are too many reviews to sort through them all_

_Anyway, hope you all like it, I will try to update faster_

_The sequel to From the Ashes should go up any day now_


	34. It Burns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I own nothing and no one_

_I own nothing and no one_

_It occurs to me I have been neglecting Orochimaru lately_

_Too bad for him that's over_

**It Burns**

"Please."

"No."

"Pretty please."

"I said no."

"But Akira," the shapeshifter whined. "I can't do it without you."

"So much the better." His partner took far too many risks as it was. Then, Akira made the mistake of glancing at his companion.

The younger ninja's lower lip was petulantly extended. It looked like tears were gathering in his eyes. Hiraku sniffed. "If I don't do it now I will never have the opportunity again. Plus, I have a good reason. It isn't just a prank."

Akira sighed, cursing himself for a gullible fool. "Fine," he gave in. "I'll help."

A whoop of excitement escaped Hiraku's lips before he glomped his partner. "Thank you, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou."

"You're welcome," Akira managed as he tried to pry the other off. "Now let go of me before I change my mind."

Part B

A high-pitched cackle emerged from the snake like man's throat. At long last he had done it. The sharigan may be beyond his reach for the time being, but with this jutsu he could replicate the Uchiha blood limit's photographic memory capabilities for a time. It would be a great asset in his quest to learn every jutsu in the world.

Orochimaru flashed through the seals, laughing as the world changed around him. His eyes took on an eerie glow. "Finally!" he shouted in triumph. The sannin was consequently startled when another voice spoke.

"To steal another's abilities is so unyouthful!" the spandex figure exclaimed in outrage.

"Indeed my youthful student. Only through dedication and hard work can the flames of your youthfulness grow like a lotus in spring." The older man's white teeth pinged as he smiled.

"Oh Gai-sensei, your wisdom overflows. Truly, I am not worthy of your tutelage."

"Lee."

"Gai-sensei."

"Lee."

"Gai-sensei."

As the two figures embraced, a magnificent sunset accompanied by crashing waves appeared in the background.

Orochimaru screamed; the horrifying image burned into his mind for all time. "It burns," he muttered feverishly. "Make it go away." He fell to his knees, swearing never to use the memory technique again. It wasn't worth it. The sannin didn't even notice when the two shadow clones gave distinctly fox-like smirks and dispelled themselves.

Meanwhile Akira tried not to laugh. Maybe he would accompany his friend on his trips more often. What could it hurt?

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_This one just hit me while I was walking back from dinner_

_I just had to write it down before I forgot it_


	35. Prankster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I own nothing and no one_

_I own nothing and no one_

_On another note_

_The sequel to "From the Ashes" is up_

**Prankster**

Kakashi felt the knot of tension that had formed between his shoulder blades loosen as he crossed the border into Fire Country. It had been a long mission. He could tell his comrades felt the same way. Unconsciously, the group quickened their pace. Still, no matter how glad the copy-nin was about going home, he felt it was an unforgivable lapse that he did not detect the approaching shinobi until the other was right on top of them.

"Watch out!" the shapeshifter shouted, shooting out of the bushes. "Coming through, gang way, man with a baby, sorry," that last was offered to one of the chuunin. Hiraku had used the man's head as an impromptu hand vault. He dived into the foliage on the other side of the small clearing, quickly vanishing from sight.

The group of ninja just stared blankly after him, now useless weapons in hand. Then Kakashi blinked. "Was that Kazama?" the jounin asked. His comrades didn't have the chance to answer. Once again the bushes parted, causing them to tense.

It was Itachi and Kisame of course. The Akatsuki pair was once again on the trail of their elusive prey. They looked a bit disheveled. Hiraku wasn't exactly making their pursuit easy. The fish-like man looked around wildly. "Which way did he go?!"

The Uchiha, on the other hand, was more focused on his partner. "Kisame."

"The former mist nin noticed his partner's regard. "What has he done to me?" he demanded. "Is it my hair?" One hand shot up to his head, pulling the spiky locks in front of his eyes. Kisame twisted, trying to see his back. "Is there a sign?"

"Kisame!" Itachi's firm voice cut through the other's rising hysteria.

"What?!"

"Your clothing is disintegrating."

A girlish shriek escaped Kisame's lips as the damage became obvious. His clothes were falling off in pieces. If this kept up, he would soon be butt naked.

Itachi sighed before throwing his own cloak to his partner.

Gratefully the older man plucked the garment out of mid-air, using the material to cover his much larger form to the best of his ability. He looked furious. "I am going to kill him," Kisame hissed.

"Alive Kisame," the Uchiha reminded him. "We need Hiraku-kun alive."

It was some time before the shell shocked Leaf nin made it back to Konoha. If a patrol had not stumbled across them, they may have stood there indefinitely.

_NCNCNCNC_

_I do intend to continue this while typing "Rises the Flame"_

_No promises though_

_I write when the mood strikes me._


	36. Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not own Naruto_

_I do not own Naruto_

_Or anything else for that matter_

**Kiss**

Katsumi's lips thinned in displeasure. Standing in front of her was an all too familiar figure. The jounin had hoped to complete her solo mission without interruption. A pipe dream she knew now, but hey, hope springs eternal. With luck she would at least make it back to Konoha in time for the evening celebrations.

The shapeshifter looked decidedly non-threatening, save for the insolent smirk that adorned his face. It was the look of someone who had already won. The expression all but screamed _I know something you don't know. _

The jounin sensei scanned the area once again only to come up blank. She didn't see anything, not so much as a hint of a trap. "What?!" She demanded at last.

Hiraku's smirk grew wider. "Look up," the shapeshifter advised.

Cringing, the young woman did so. What would it be this time? Nothing that wouldn't wash out immediately she hoped. At first, Katsumi didn't fully comprehend what she was seeing.

It was a plant, almost like any other. The small, slightly wilted thing had green leaves and drooping white berries. This particular plant however, had a very special significance.

By the time the jounin had finished processing the significance of said plant; Hiraku's lips were on hers. He tasted faintly of cinnamon, Katsumi vaguely realized. For a moment, she just stared shocked into the other's violet eyes. She couldn't believe he had actually kissed her.

"Merry Christmas jounin-san," Hiraku whispered. Then the shapeshifter turned, disappearing into the trees. He had to hurry if he was going to make it to Gaara's in time for dinner.

A faint blush lit Katsumi's cheeks as she watched him go. This was one incident that wasn't making it into any reports.

_NCNCNCNC_

_Hope you enjoyed this _

_The opportunity presented by the season was just too good to pass up_

_Have a merry Christmas everyone_


	37. Turnabout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Do not, and will never own Naruto_

_Do not, and will never own Naruto_

_And now that that's over with_

_Let's get on with the show_

**Turnabout**

Slowly, and with great deliberation, Katsumi wiped the gelatos green goo off her face. It had covered her from head to toe. To be honest, everything was covered in the stuff, including her three students. Well, everything but Hiraku Kazama.

The shapeshifter was amusing himself by explaining his latest so-called lesson. This oh so lovely situation was an example of the devastation someone with a working knowledge of seals could do if given time to prepare the battlefield. Even the most skilled ninja cannot avoid an attack if there is nowhere to dodge.

Katsumi took a deep breath, than another. She would not loss her temper. Mai's dog Taiga of course took this moment to sneeze before shaking out its coat in an attempt to get clean. Smack! Another blob of goo hit the jounin's face. The young woman couldn't help it, she snapped.

How could she have thought Kazama attractive? Even for a moment? "You idiot!" she roared. "How dare you!" The jounin sensei was extremely tempted to let loose a lightning bolt, but she feared the possible consequences too much. Who knew how conductive this stuff was, and she wasn't in the habit of frying her comrades. Even if her peculiarities would protect her own body from the electricity.

"How dare I what?" the shapeshifter questioned flippantly.

"All of this," Katsumi snarled as she lunged at the nukenin. "You attacked my team."

"It is not as though I hurt them," Hiraku protested as he parried her attack.

The jounin was undeterred by her failure. One of her ever-present chains slid down her arm. Katsumi promptly launched it at her opponent. "You tortured my students."

"I would hardly call it torture," the shapeshifter scoffed dropping flat. This got some of the goo on him, not that he minded that much. It would wash off.

"Nothing but a stalker," Katsumi continued her rant. "Even followed us back to Konoha."

"I was only trying to help."

"I don't need your help. Not to mention," she screamed. "You cut off my clothes!"

Hiraku caught himself before he could exclaim what a shame it was she would hide such a magnificent sight. He didn't want to die thank you very much.

"And worst of all, you stole my first kiss!!!" Katsumi froze mortified. She couldn't believe she had just said that. The jounin was almost grateful for the goo at that moment. At least it hid her blush.

Mai gasped. She wasn't a fan girl true, but that didn't mean she was totally devoid of female sentiment. "He kissed you sensei," she exclaimed shocked. Daiki and Mizu on the other hand looked ill. That wasn't something they needed to know. It was almost like walking in on their parents having sex.

An insolent smirk crossed Hiraku's face and his body blurred for a moment before reappearing behind Katsumi, pinning the jounin. She struggled of course, but he was the stronger. "Did I now?" he whispered. "I guess I'll have to do something about that."

For a moment the kunoichi froze. Surely Kazama wasn't going to apologize. Her body was spun around and before she knew it his lips had brushed hers in a quick peck, dancing out of range before she could give him an _appropriate _response.

Hiraku grinned brightly. "Now you can yell at me for stealing your second kiss instead jounin-san." A quick wind jutsu lifted the goo back into the air briefly before dropping it once more.

When her vision cleared Katsumi was unsurprised to find the nukenin was gone.

_NCNCNCNC_

_I couldn't let Hiraku get off the hook with Katsumi that easy_

_It will take time to wear her down_


	38. BLUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not own Naruto_

_I do not own Naruto_

**BLUE**

A wicked smirk crossed Hiraku's face. At long last he had done it. He kissed the container holding the powder before cradling it protectively to his chest. It was odorless, tasteless, and could not be seen once it was mixed with food. The shapeshifter had spent years working on the formula.

Truthfully, he probably wouldn't have managed it at all without Akira's assistance. Of course, his partner had absolutely no idea exactly what Hiraku intended to use it for. The jinchuuriki had conveniently forgotten to tell him. If he had known, the poison-user wouldn't have helped.

The shapeshifter took a moment to wonder if he should feel guilty for keeping his plan from Akira before shaking off the thought. Nah. Guilt was overrated. Besides, it wasn't like he was going to get off scotch free.

Akira was more than capable of meting out his own revenge. Hiraku shivered slightly. Who knew what his partner would do when he found out. The jinchuuriki wasn't foolish enough to believe he wouldn't find out.

Now, he simply needed a way to get the powder to its proper target. Hiraku's brows furrowed a moment before he shrugged, his expression smoothing over. Oh well, he would think of something. He always did.

**Drabble 38.5**

Where once had stood a mighty forest now lay a still-smoking crater. Between the giant summons and high-ranking jutsu there was really nothing left. Well, nothing but the two powerful ninja who had caused the devastation.

"Kukukukuku!" Orochimaru's creepy laugh echoed over the area. "You have improved my former teammate. But you are still not good enough." His hair was in disarray and the Snake's clothing was torn. He was not down though, not by a long shot.

Jiraiya sneered. "You're suffering under a delusion Oro-chan." The Toad Sannin wasn't in the greatest shape either. "What's wrong? Too many years spent sitting on your butt staring at the Uchiha's ass?"

A pair of yellow-green eyes narrowed. Orochimaru was not amused. "You will regret that comment Jiraiya," he hissed. It was time to take this fight up a level. "_Kusanagi no Tsurugi," _he pulled the blade from its resting place in his stomach.

The white haired man's lips twitched. He looked far too amused for someone looking down the business end of a poisoned sword. "What's with the new fashion statement?" he teased.

For a moment Orochimaru looked puzzled. Then it hit him. He stuck his tongue out, sparing a moment to look at the lengthened appendage. It was blue. Blue! The sannin was furious. He was also concerned. It could have easily been poison instead of a harmless dye.

The snake decided to ignore the concern in favor of his rage. "I'll kill you for this Kazama!!!" Orochimaru screamed, headless of the fact the shapeshifter was miles away.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_Not my best, but hopefully it will help me get over the writers block I have been dealing with. I have several good ideas. I just can't figure out how to write them._


	39. Luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not own Naruto_

_I do not own Naruto_

_For those of you who are interested_

_Rises the Flame is finished_

_Go and read it if you haven't already_

**Luck**

"So?" Hiraku enquired crouching beside his partner. "What's the verdict?"

Akira scowled, glancing up from his calculations. "Not good. We're down to 19,000 yen." Under normal circumstances, that would not be good, but it would hardly be a crisis either. Unfortunately, the situation the partners found themselves in was not normal.

The pair had developed the pressing need to replace a large amount of their general weaponry. They had recently fought a hunter nin whose bloodline allowed him to corrode metal. Watching your kunai rust down to powder before your eyes was not a fun experience. Akira and Hiraku just felt themselves lucky Akaikaze and the poison-user's hereditary daggers had not been affected. That would have been more than an inconvenience.

A sudden grin crossed the shapeshifter's face as an idea occurred to him. "No worries," he said as he bounced back to his feet. "That is more than enough."

Akira looked baffled. What did his partner mean? Nineteen thousand yen was nowhere near enough to cover their losses. He raised one eyebrow, clearly conveying the desire for more information.

"Come on," Hiraku hauled the other to his feet. "If we hurry we can be there by nightfall." He could hardly wait. It had been ages since he had done something like this, and the jinchuuriki found he missed it.

A few hours later Akira, who was disguised as a wealthy merchant, stood in front of a large building. His temporarily black eyes widened. "A casino," he hissed softly to his partner. In his mind, this was not a good way to earn money, unless of course they were planning to rob the place.

Hiraku, masquerading as the other's teenage son just smiled. "Trust me," he whispered back.

A chill ran up the brunette's back at those words, but he followed his partner into the building anyway. Insane Hiraku may be, but he wasn't stupid.

The shapeshifter played his part to perfection, telling everyone who was anyone all about his family. Proudly announcing he was his Father's good luck charm. The other gamblers just laughed while watching the adorable teenager indulgently.

Soon enough they were no longer laughing. The owner of the casino nearly cried as his latest customer won for the fifth time in a row. He knew the merchant wasn't cheating. He had checked.

This was as bad as that time the blond kid had come in, all those years ago. After that incident he had almost had to close down the casino. Maybe, he considered, it was time to go into a new line of business. This one was just too risky.

_NCNCNCNC_

_Thanks to MiStan_

_I have been thinking about something like this for a while_

_Your review helped me finally find the motivation to do it_


	40. Dating Book III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _If I owned Naruto Itachi and Kakashi would have lived_

_If I owned Naruto Itachi and Kakashi would have lived_

_For Starlight: I almost died laughing when I read your review_

**Dating Book III**

Kakashi was not at all pleased. Standing in front of him was a masked figure dressed in a black coat with distinctive red cloud clouds, Akatsuki. He didn't recognize him, but that only made the leaf nin more wary. Who knew what the other was capable of?

The copycat glanced at Sasuke and Sakura out of the corner of his eye. He had issues with his former students true. But they were still his comrades, and those who abandoned their comrades were worse than trash. That was a lesson Kakashi had learned at far too high a price.

Said figure was studying them intently. Suddenly he snapped his fingers. "I know you," the masked man said excitedly, pointing at Sasuke. "You're Itachi-san's brother, aren't you? The one that ran off to Orochimaru."

"I'm Tobi," he introduced himself while busily rummaged through his pockets, "maybe you can answer a question for me." He pouted briefly. "I still don't know why Sasori-san got so upset when I asked him."

Kakashi sweat-dropped. What was he? Five? This was not how he expected an Akatsuki member to act. Maybe, the copy-nin considered. It was a mask. That way people would underestimate him.

"Here it is!" Tobi shouted in triumph as he pulled out what appeared to be a Bingo Book. He cleared his throat. "_Orochimaru. This dark haired beauty is as flexible as a snake, and just as quick, with a tongue to die for. He has a strange fascination with make-up, but is feminine enough to pull it off. Boys over the age of fourteen need not apply." _

The masked man looked back up at Sasuke. "You were about twelve when you went to him right?"

Sasuke's brow twitched, his lips tightening. He was an Uchiha. Responding to such an idiot was beneath his dignity.

"I mean," Tobi went on. "You have the hickey of doom and everything."

Kakashi tried desperately not to laugh. Hickey of doom? That had to be the funniest thing he had ever heard. Breath, he reminded himself. Must breath.

It was just lucky for Tobi that unlike his brother, the younger Uchiha did not possess the Mangekyo Sharingan. If he had the Akatsuki member would have been nothing but smear on the ground, courtesy of amaterasu.

Screw his dignity. Sasuke's hands flew through the proper seals. "Katon: Karyuu Endan!" A huge dragon of burning flame emerged from the Uchiha's mouth, roaring its way towards its target.

Tobi yelped, barely managing to get out of its path in time, that was a no he supposed. Talk about touchy, and he still hadn't gotten his answer. The masked man ran, Sasuke hot on his heels. The dark haired ninja looked murderous.

"Why do things like this always happen to me?!" the masked man wailed. "Tobi is a good boy," he ducked under a handful of throwing stars. "But people are always being mean to me and I've never tried to hurt anyone. 'S not fair, ce n'est pas juste!" he paused. "And why the heck am I yelling in French?"

_NCNCNCNC_

_Not completely satisfied with the last line but it is a drabble so who cares_

_Shamelessly stole the last paragraph from Trigun_

_If you haven't seen that series you should go watch it_


	41. Sharing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I own nothing and no one_

_I own nothing and no one_

_This drabble is for all the people who wanted to see Jiraiya_

**Sharing**

Idly Hiraku swirled the cup in his hand, discretely using the reflection on the liquids surface to examine his surroundings. Yep, he was still there. After a moment's consideration, the shapeshifter downed the last bit of his drink and spun to face the other. "Is there something I can help you with Jiraiya-sama?" he asked.

Cautiously the Toad Sannin approached. "How long did you know I was there?" he asked curiously.

Hiraku just shrugged. He had got over his tendency to tell others of his abilities a long time ago. Bragging was just one of many ways for a ninja to make their way into an empty grave.

Realizing the nukenin had no intention of answering, Jiraiya's lips quirked. Ordering a drink, he slid into a nearby chair. This caused Hiraku to inwardly relax. He knew his former teacher well enough to know he didn't drink with people he intended to kill. For a time the pair sat in silence.

"So," the shapeshifter asked at last. "What are you doing here?" Obviously it wasn't because of Team Thirteen. He had wondered for a bit when he first spotted the other following him.

Jiraiya looked surprised. "What? I can't be curious about the missing nin that has Oro-teme all in a tizzy?" He had heard a lot of rumors about Hiraku Kazama over the past few years. In all honesty, he had meant to look the other up before, but the shapeshifter was difficult to locate. Even for someone with a spy network as extensive as his.

"Ahh," Hiraku smirked. "So that's it." He pulled a leather bound book out of his pack, sliding it across the table at the older man.

One white brow rose. "And what is this?" the Toad Sannin inquired. He made no motion to touch the object.

"It's my photo album," Hiraku answered breezily. His violet eyes twinkled with mischief. "Want to take a look?" A few hours later, the two shinobi were still leaned over the pictures.

"And this," the shapeshifter said proudly. "Is The Great Hunt." In the photo a mongoose sat perched on Orochimaru's head, using it as a lookout. Jiraiya and Hiraku looked at each other briefly, before once again dissolving into laughter.

That is when Akira walked into the room. He took one look at his partner before sighing in exasperation. Couldn't Hiraku find safer drinking partners? Someone who wasn't potentially capable of killing them? Pointedly, he cleared his throat.

"Uh oh," said the shapeshifter looking up. "It seems my better half is calling." Gracefully he slid out of his seat, flashing Jiraiya a grin. "We'll have to do this again sometime." With that, the two nukenin disappeared from the room.

_NCNCNCNC_

_Hope you like it and please review_

_On another note, do me a favor and take a minute to go to me profile_

_There is a vote about which of my plunnies I should expand into a full story_

_And I value you guys' opinions. Anyone who doesn't vote can't complain. _


	42. Wagers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not own Naruto_

_I do not own Naruto_

_This one is for you sashlea_

**Wagers**

A group of jounin stood around a small table snickering. Discussing the latest antics of Team Thirteen had become one of the favorite pastimes among Leaf Ninja. Sure, they all felt a bit sorry for Katsumi, but that didn't stop them from taking enjoyment from her predicament.

"Did you hear what happened on their last mission?" one of the jounin asked softly.

Another snickered while nodding. "Who didn't? And who needs ears? You can smell the genin coming a mile away." There were more grins at this. Mizu had dispelled the illusion without stopping to consider what was hidden underneath it. That was a mistake he wouldn't make again. The answer, a bunch of pissed off skunks.

"All right," the bookkeeper said. "No one bet that the team would be attacked by wild animals so the pot remains with me for the time being." He looked up, meeting the groups' eyes. "Any new wagers for next time?"

Kakashi idly flipped a page of his little orange book. "Two C-class missions that pictures of some of Kazama's exploits will appear in Konoha."

The bookie laughed as he wrote that down. "All right, anyone else?"

"One B-class that Team Thirteen will end up with purple hair again."

"Feh," an older jounin snorted. "You're thinking two small. Two B-classes says their entire bodies will end up purple. Plus the girl's dog."

There was a round of snickers and several other outrageous suggestions were thrown into the pot. Including another water filled pit, explosions, and a collapsing bridge. "Last call."

Kiba smirked. "I bet an A-class mission that Katsumi-san jumps Kazama's bones sometime within the next year." He reached down to pet his own dog's ears, only to realize the laughter had cut off abruptly. The recently promoted jounin froze, swallowing hard. "She's behind me isn't she?" he stated more than asked. They nodded.

The Inuzuka turned slowly, observing the murderous look on the lightning users face. He smiled weakly, putting his hands up in a placating gesture. "Now Fujii-san, let's not do anything hasty."

Electricity flickered over the chains encasing the young woman's form and Katsumi smiled. An expression at odds with the amount of killing intent she was radiating. "Kiba-kun," she said sweetly.

"Err, yes."

"Run."

Kiba was no fool. He ran, for all the good it did him. When asked by his team why he was late for training the next day he took a page out of Kakashi's book. Sorry I'm late. I was smote by the goddess of thunder and have only just recovered.

_NCNCNCNC_

_Sorry I have been avoiding this story. I'll try to do better. It is winding down. _

_I am going to finish writing the ideas I already have and then wrap it up. Don't worry though. There are quite a few of them._

_On another note, my plunnie vote is closed and the fic is up. It is an MK crossover entitled Phantom of a Thief. Check it out. You know you want to. _


	43. Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I own nothing and no one_

_I own nothing and no one_

**Storm**

Hiraku wrapped an arm around his partner as Akira tripped. If he ever found out who was responsible for this he would kill them. One moment the skies were clear. All that had changed with one humongous surge of distant chakra. The temperature had dropped sharply while the storm clouds had gathered far faster than should have been possible.

Then it had started to snow. It was freezing, and the wind chill factor didn't help. Neither of the two missing nin had been prepared for such weather. It was April for crying out loud. Hiraku spared a sideways glance at his friend before wincing. The poison-user looked horrible. His lips were completely blue, as was his skin.

The jinchuuriki was in slightly better shape due to the fiery chakra that Kyuubi was circulating through his system. It wouldn't hold forever though. He was already starting to shiver. Desperately he wiped a bit of slush out of his demonic eyes, trying to clear his vision.

There. Through the storm he could make out a bit of light shining out of the entrance to a large cave. Hiraku made for the shelter, practically dragging his partner behind him. Together they stumbled into it, out of the wind.

Hiraku looked up only to swear. Could this day get any worse? Inside the cave were two very familiar figures. Quickly he considered his options, his expression hardening as he made his decision. Releasing Akira the shapeshifter took a step back. "Stay here," he ordered his friend, moving to plunge back into the storm. He didn't get that far.

A slender hand dropped onto his arm and the jinchuuriki turned to meet a pair of sharigan eyes. "Don't be a fool Hiraku-kun," Itachi told him. "You know as well as I that going out there means death." Not even the most powerful ninja could defeat Mother Nature.

The shapeshifter sneered. "And that is different from staying here how?" He would prefer freezing to what the Akatsuki had in store for him.

Itachi and Kisame shared a glance. They knew full well that if they didn't come up with a good answer to that question, the demon host would leave, and damn the consequences. The two held a silent conversation. Finally the former mist nin raised one brow, while his partner nodded in agreement.

"A truce then," Itachi offered. "Until the end of the storm, plus one day." That was more than ample time for the shapeshifter to get away.

After a moment Hiraku nodded in agreement, allowing the Uchiha to pull him further into the warmth of the cave. It was only after he and Akira were situated that he realized where the heat was coming from. He stared at Itachi in disbelief. "You used _amaterasu_ to start a campfire?!" The black flames that were said to burn seven days and seven nights. Somehow that seemed like overkill.

The Uchiha just shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. "We didn't have any wood."

_NCNCNCNC_

_I just figured it would be nice to have them all together without fighting. Hope you liked it and please review. It makes me a happy person. Not to mention protects you from the fire-breathing kitty._


	44. Doppelganger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I own nothing and no one_

_I own nothing and no one_

**Doppelganger**

Akira just about swallowed his tongue when he saw the form his partner was wearing. "You can't be serious?" he demanded aghast.

Hiraku pouted, an expression that looked extremely out of place on his current face. He spun, showing off the various angles of his leather-clad body. "You told me to choose a form that would cause distraction," the shapeshifter pointed out. He flipped a bit of raven hair out of his face. "Can you see any girl turning down this bod?"

"B-but," the poison-user objected, trying to think of an excuse. "But what if someone recognizes you? Err, him?" Not to mention what the other's reaction would be if he found out.

Dark eyes sparkled with mischief as Hiraku shrugged. "These are civilians, remember? No one is going to recognize me."

Akira sighed, giving up on his argument. "Fine," he agreed. "Let's just go. But if something goes wrong," the brunette warned. "I am totally blaming you."

A sharp grin stole over the shapeshifter's face. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

**Part B**

"Sa-chan!" a voice screamed in delight. "It is you!"

The woman came out of nowhere, glomping the stoic Uchiha. Sasuke immediately shoved her off. "Just what," he demanded coldly. "Do you think you are doing?"

"How rude," the redhead huffed. "After everything we meant to each other."

A pair of dark eyes narrowed. "You must be mistaken madam. I've never seen you before in my life."

"Don't be silly Sa-chan. It's me, Hina. We were together all night, remember." It was rare she found someone who not only enjoyed Karaoke, but was good at it.

"If you are trying to scam me into marriage, you can forget it," Sasuke told her.

The woman stared at him open mouthed. What had happened to him?

"Sasuke-kun," the pink blob that was the Uchiha's teammate attached herself to his side. "Where have you been?"

So that was it, Hina realized. "You," she nearly growled. "You." Finally she hauled her hand back and slapped him, hard. "Obviously you aren't the man I thought you were." She dropped a photo out of her pocket and stalked away, head held high.

After a moment, Sasuke recovered and bent down to pick up the photograph. His jaw dropped. It was a picture of him; he looked like a whore! His teeth began to grind. Someone would die for this.

_NCNCNCNC_

_The countdown has begun_

_Until then though, enjoy_


	45. Crossroads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not own Naruto_

_I do not own Naruto_

**Crossroads**

It was a surprise for all concerned when Hiraku and his partner walked into the crowded bar to find that the jinchuuriki's erstwhile pursuers were already present. For a single moment everyone froze. Then Hiraku moved, hand darting down to grasp a weapon.

Kisame moved to, only the object of his interest was far different. "Time out," the former mist nin called, waving his white napkin into the air. He looked a bit out of sorts. Mostly due to the alcohol he had spewed down the front of his shirt upon seeing the other.

Hiraku raised one orange-blond brow. "Time out?" he repeated bemused. Now that was not something he had ever expected to hear come out of the older shinobi's mouth. His violet eyes held the question he had yet to voice.

"We are on vacation," the blue-skinned man said plaintively. He had planned to go the entire week without so much as thinking of Hiraku Kazama. He certainly wasn't in the mood to deal with one of the other ninja's tricks.

Now Akira looked somewhat flummoxed. Vacation? Did S-class criminals go on vacation? He and Hiraku didn't. Then again, they weren't technically in anyone's employ. If they wanted to go do something, they just did it.

The two friends shared a look, before turning to Kisame's partner. "Itachi?" the demon vessel asked questioningly.

"Kisame is correct," the Uchiha stated calmly. "For the next seven days, our time is our own to do with as we please." He met Hiraku's eyes. "And chasing you is a duty, not a pleasure."

Hiraku shrugged. If the pair didn't want to start anything, he certainly wasn't going to instigate a fight. He really doubted Akira would either. The smart thing would probably be to leave. The demon vessel paused, considering that thought a moment. Since when had he ever chosen to do the logical thing? "Mind if we join you?" he asked instead.

Itachi gave the signal for him to go ahead, causing Hiraku to grin before sliding into a nearby chair. As for Akira, he groaned softly, but did not otherwise object. What would be the point?

_ **Part B** _

_For the Dah_

Team Thirteen stared at the scene in front of them in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. It was a dream, or perhaps some sort of hallucination. Mai had thought those mushrooms they had eaten at lunch had smelled funny. Or perhaps, the group of ninja thought, it was some sort of illusion.

As one, four sets of hands came up to form the dispelling seal. "Kai!" they shouted in unison. There was no affect. The vision was still there.

Daiki frowned before trying again. "Kai!" he repeated, a bit more tentatively. Still nothing. There was only one logical explanation. They were real. The groups' eyes glazed over, hands falling limply to their sides.

Kisame glanced up from his cards, shooting a sidelong glance at the demon vessel. "I think we broke them."

Hiraku shrugged unconcerned. "They'll get over it." He examined his own hand a moment longer before sliding a small pile of chips into the center of the table. He smirked, making no effort to hide his fox like fangs.

Akira glared at his partner a moment before moving to examine the other players. Kisame was probably bluffing, but as for Itachi. Well, the less said the better. The poison-user sighed. He really should have known better than to play with this group. "I fold," he admitted defeated.

"You're," Katsumi stuttered snapping out of her funk. "You're playing cards with Itachi Uchiha!" she nearly shrieked. Maybe all those rumors about Kazama being mad had more truth to them than she had thought.

"He's not so bad as long as he isn't trying to kill you," Hiraku told her. Really, if it weren't for the whole Akatsuki/jinchuuriki thing, they would get on rather well. Violet eyes met amber. "We can deal you in if you want jounin-san."

The young woman stared. "Hell no," she swore. The only thing she was going to do was gather her three students and take them away from this insanity, far away.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_Forty-five down, five to go_

_As always please review_


	46. Kin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not own Naruto_

_I do not own Naruto_

**Kin**

Hiraku made absolutely no effort to conceal his approach. With every step he took, the soft splashing of water could be heard. In all honesty, he sometimes wondered about the state of his mindscape. It didn't seem healthy.

Who knows, maybe all those people were right and he really was insane. After a moments thought, the demon vessel shrugged. So what if he was? He wouldn't be the first ninja to lose it. As long as he didn't snap and go on a psychotic killing spree Hiraku figured he was in fairly good shape.

Soon enough, the shapeshifter stood in front of his destination. Violet eyes narrowed as he observed the seemingly empty cage. He wasn't fooled. It didn't matter how perfect the illusion was, there was no way the nine-tailed demon fox had simply disappeared. For one, he was still alive.

"Oh Kyuubi," Hiraku called in a singsong voice. "Come out, come out, wherever you are." Under different circumstances, he would have been amused that the kitsune was hiding from him. Now though, the jinchuuriki wanted answers.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then the demonic genjutsu dropped. **"What do you want brat?"** Kyuubi tried to maintain an air of nonchalance.

Violet eyes went cold. "When were you planning to tell me that I am now, technically, a member of the kitsune clan?" he replied to the other's question with one of his own. Hiraku had just had the most interesting conversation with a wandering inuyoukai. One that had given him more questions than answers.

Kyuubi sighed as he lay down, all nine tails curling around his lithe body. **"In all honesty," **he admitted. **"Never. I didn't believe it was something you wanted to know."**

The shapeshifter tilted his head to one side. That actually, it made sense. A couple of years ago he would have absolutely freaked at the idea. His eyes melted back to something resembling room temperature and Hiraku snorted.

Casually the shapeshifter leaned against the wall, a slight smirk spreading across his face. He supposed he could handle being related to the demon lord. There was just one thing. Hiraku looked up at the kitsune through half closed eyes. "Just as long as you don't expect me to call you father."

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_Hope you liked it, I did._


	47. Skirmish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not own Naruto_

_I do not own Naruto_

_Couldn't decide whom to put into this one_

_So I chose to shove in as many people as possible_

_Make everyone happy_

**Skirmish**

Hiraku seriously wondered how he got himself into these situations. It wasn't as though he went looking for trouble. Not that often anyway. For the moment, he ignored Kyuubi's disbelieving snort. The shapeshifter had more important things to do than get in yet another fight with the demon fox.

A pair of bright green eyes flicked towards his partner. "Somehow," Akira said softly. "I am sure this is all your fault." Despite his words, the poison-user's voice held no trace of blame. Things like this just happened around the other. He had gotten used to it.

To Hiraku and Akira's left stood a seriously pissed off Snake Sannin, accompanied by a number of Sound's elite. Evidently Orochimaru had been less than amused by the jinchuuriki's latest foray to the Hidden Village of Sound.

Really, Hiraku huffed. The way the older man was reacting you would think he had burned the library down. He hadn't. The shapeshifter had just done some creative rearranging. Starting with the collection of _Icha Icha Paradise_ that had been prominently displayed at the entrance.

To their left was the calmer, but equally dangerous pair from the Akatsuki, Itachi and Kisame. They were of course, once again attempting to capture the elusive Kyuubi vessel. Though honestly, part of them wondered why they were even bothering.

Then there was the squad of Hunter Nin from Hidden Grass. No doubt they had a whole list of charges that they would demand the nukenin pay for. They had already done the whole surrender and your deaths will be merciful spiel. Yeah right, like Hiraku and his partner had any intention of just giving themselves up.

Last but not least was the group from Konoha, they. Well, in all honestly the shapeshifter wasn't quite sure why they were there. It was probably sheer chance the Leaf Nin had run across the confrontation. What did matter was that they had made no move to leave the area.

For a few minutes, no one moved. It was one of the Grass Nin who finally broke the standoff. The hunter charged towards his targets, drawing his sword as he went. Not that he actually made it there. After all, Kisame had a sword too, a bigger one, which he used to bisect the foolish shinobi. Hiraku could have handled him, the shark-like man knew. But why take that chance?

Orochimaru, of course, could not resist taking a shot at the ex-mist nin's exposed back. Something that Itachi took offense to. The Snake Sannin had no trouble avoiding the initial attack. Unfortunately for him though, he had strayed a bit to close to the group from Konoha. Dodging Kakashi's chidori proved to be a bit more problematic. Meanwhile, the other hunters had attacked Kisame. Seeking vengeance for the death of their comrade.

It had become something of a free for all, the Akatsuki v. Orochimaru and the Grass Nin, the Leaf Nin v. the Akatsuki and Orochimaru. In fact, the only group that had yet to become involved was Hiraku and Akira. The pair shared a long look.

Then, the poison-user signaled towards the tree line, a questioning look in his eyes. Hiraku nodded. Akira took a moment to cast a minor genjutsu over them, and the pair proceeded to sneak away. No one even noticed.

No one that is but Shikamaru, whose keen mind was already busy what he had previously known about Hiraku Kazama with his current observations. It didn't take the genius long to arrive at the proper conclusion, no matter how unlikely it seemed. "Troublesome," the newly promoted jounin muttered as one of his shadows reached up to strangle a Sound Nin. Oh well, it wasn't his problem. So long as no one called him on the matter, he would keep his silence.

_NCNCNCNCNCNC_

_Forty-seven down, three to go_

_Hope you liked it and please review_


	48. Weak Spot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not own Naruto_

_I do not own Naruto_

_ **Weak Spots** _

Hiraku was not all that surprised when he realized he was being followed. All things considered, it happened fairly often. If it wasn't the Akatsuki it was a group from Sound, or Grass, or those yakuza he had pissed off a while back. Now that the shapeshifter thought about it, he did have quite a few enemies. It wasn't his fault though, really. :coughs:

What was unusual was the identity of his pursuers. It was Team Thirteen, Mai and her canine familiar at the head. Evidently the gaki had decided to take the initiative. No doubt they were seeking reparation for their sensei's latest public embarrassment. The jinchuuriki had sent Katsumi a unique birthday present. For some odd reason, the jounin hadn't been pleased. Hiraku couldn't imagine why. Maybe it had been the suggestive note that had accompanied the silky lingerie.

Under different circumstances, Hiraku would have thought the teens actions cute. However, there was just one thing. The trio was alone, and that was just stupid. Revenge was no excuse for carelessness. Oh well, the shapeshifter thought to himself. He supposed he would just have to teach them another lesson.

The members of Team Thirteen froze when they saw Hiraku standing in the middle of the road, waiting for them. The violet-eyed man's face looked unusually severe. The faintest hints of foreboding began to build in the genins' guts. Perhaps this hadn't been such a good idea.

"For every strength," Hiraku announced calmly. "There is a corresponding weakness. It is because of this gaki, that no one is undefeatable." He pulled a bundle from behind his back, chucking it at the small group.

The genin tried to dodge, but they didn't have time. The package exploded in midair, releasing its contents. For Daiki and Mizu, it wasn't such a big deal. Mai was another matter however. The pepper invaded her sensitive nose, sending conflicting signals to her brain.

The girl whimpered, tears streaming down her cheeks. It burned. Her teammates tried to do something, but even dosing her with water seemed to have little effect. The only thing that would help was time.

All things considered, the trio wasn't amused. They were even less amused when a custom made mask was delivered to Mai's door, courtesy of their part time sensei. They did learn their lesson though, at least Hiraku thought so. Unfortunately for the genin, when she heard of her team's escapades, Katsumi had a different opinion on the matter.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_Just two to go now_


	49. Dating Book IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I do not own Naruto_

_I do not own Naruto_

**Dating Book IV**

The sound of a doorbell echoed through the underground complex, causing Orochimaru to frown. The Snake Sannin looking up from his research with a puzzled expression. This was his private laboratory. No one should even know he was here. Not to mention, since when did this place have a doorbell? He certainly hadn't installed it.

Still, either way, the Sannin knew he had to investigate this occurrence. So he got up, heading to the entrance of his lair. After carefully examining the general area for any trace of chakra, which would indicate a trap of some sort, Orochimaru opened the door. Whatever he had been expecting to find though, this hadn't been it.

For a moment the golden eyed man stared slack jawed at the vision in front of him. What the hell?! Even for a shinobi of his vast experience, this was not par for the course. He couldn't for the life of him figure out what this, this person was doing here.

Standing on Orochimaru's doorstep was what he tentatively identified as a teenage boy. Assuming of course that said boy was wearing netted stockings, a tight black leather skirt, and five-inch stiletto heels. This was even without mentioning the makeup, including mascara so thick it practically hung from the other's eyelashes.

"Excuse me," the young man said in a husky voice. "Are you Orochimaru-san?" He looked up at the shinobi with lust filled dark eyes.

It was then that the Sannin saw the book, that accursed book which had taunted him for years. From what he could see this appeared to be the third addition. A wave of rage swept through him. He was running a Hidden Village Kami curse it all, not a brothel.

Unfortunately for Orochimaru's visitor, he was the convenient target. The teen didn't even have time to scream as a humongous serpent appeared out of no where, swallowing him whole. Unlike the younger Naruto though, this boy was incapable of getting out.

Five minutes later the Sannin was still staring at the spot the teen had met his end. His mood had not been improved in the least. After all, Kazama was the one he really wanted dead. He just needed to figure out how to do it.

_NCNCNCNCNC_

_Just one left_

_Please review and I will try to update ASAP_


	50. Finis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _No, Naruto is not mine_

_No, Naruto is not mine_

**Finis**

The three genins' hearts hammered in their chests as they took quick shallow breaths. Not too shallow though. It wouldn't do to hyperventilate the way one of the members of Team Five had, and wouldn't that be embarrassing, fainting on the field. Still, it was an effort to keep their extremities from trembling. They couldn't help it though. This was the biggest day of their entire lives.

None of the members of Team Thirteen had ever considered themselves to be particularly religious. At that moment however, they were all praying. Just a few moments more and they would know if they had made it.

"And from Hidden Leaf," the Hokage continued. "Mai Danno, Mizu Haruno, Rei Ogawa, and Daiki Urama."

The named shinobi shared a look, wide smiles spreading across their faces as they stepped forward to accept the vests that signified their new rank. It took Mai a moment to realize the roaring in her ears was actually the cheering of the crowd. One loud, distinctive voice stood out.

"Go Team Thirteen!" a certain violet-eyed nukenin shouted with wild abandon, waving his colorful sign in the air.

Jaws dropped, he wouldn't of, he couldn't. But obviously he had because standing there in plain sight was Hiraku Kazama. He seemed headless to the fact that he was heavily outnumbered, in the middle of one of the largest Shinobi Nations on the whole of the Hidden Continent. Someone else wasn't.

Akira groaned, reaching up to snag his partner by the ankle. "Get down from there you idiot," the brunette hissed, pulling him out of sight. He almost wished Hiraku wasn't immune to his poisons. A simple sleeping brew could have prevented this situation, and the jinchuuriki was much more reasonable when he was asleep.

Unfortunately, Hiraku was and they were presently in Konoha. His partner and he did agree on some points however. Such as the fact that the approaching ANBU announced that it was time to go.

_Part Two_

"Y-you," Sasuke stuttered as he tried to lever himself back to his feet. "You can't do this to me. I am an Uchiha." He had managed to track the two nukenin down well enough, engaging them had been a different matter all together.

Hiraku smoothly moved behind his former teammate, knocking him out with a quick blow to the back of the neck. He snorted. "Uchiha, Smuchita," it was all the same to him. What the hell did he care about what his opponent's bloodlines were? If you asked him, an individual succeeded or failed on their own merits, not those of their family.

That was one of the points the jinchuuriki knew he and Itachi agreed on. The elder Uchiha had never relied on his clan's reputation to get him through life. He had done it on his own. And how sad was it, Hiraku considered, that he had a higher opinion of the brother who was trying to kill him than the one whom barely knew he existed.

After a moment Hiraku shrugged, moving back to the task at hand. He slipped a small container of makeup out of his pack, taking to opportunity to decorate Sasuke's face. The eyeliner especially was a nice touch he thought. The final touch though, was the large L he had painted on the black-haired shinobi's forehead. The demon vessel snickered, rising to his feet to leave, only to be stopped when his partner grabbed his arm, jerking him to a halt.

"Wait," Akira told him softly. The older ninja's brow furrowed in concentration, his hands flickering through the signs of his genjutsu. A moment later he was done. "The marks will be visible to everyone but him," he explained.

Hiraku's puzzled look faded, a foxy smirk passing over his features. Playfully he gave his partner a friendly slap on the shoulder. "I've taught you well padawan," the jinchuuriki praised. He offered the other his arm. "Shall we?"

The brunette nodded, threading his arm through Hiraku's. "We shall," and with that the two friends walked away. The woods echoing with the sound of their laughter.

_Yes, it is done. Thank you to everyone who supported me throughout this endeavor. _

_It meant a lot. I intend to take a break from the Naruto fandom for awhile now. I will be back though. I have the greatest idea for this fem!Naruto story I want to write someday._


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